Sent for a barber, and authorised him to remove the superfluous hair from my chin--at the same time made him aware of the high honour I had conferred upon him by placing the head of the city under his razor--thought I detected the fellow's tongue in his cheek, but couldn't be certain. _Mem._ Never employ the rascal again. _9 o'clock._--Dressed in full fig--sword very troublesome--getting continually between my legs. Sat down to breakfast--her ladyship complimented me on my appearance--said I looked the _beau ideal_ of a mayor--took a side glance at myself in the mirror--her ladyship was perfectly right. Trotter the shoemaker announced--walked in with as much freedom as he used to do into my shop in Coleman-street--smelt awfully of "best calf" and "heavy sole"--shook me familiarly by the hand, and actually called me "Bob." The indignation of the Mayor was roused, and I hinted to him that I did not understand such liberties, upon which the fellow had the insolence to laugh in my face--couldn't stand his audacity, so quitted the room with strong marks of disgust. _10 o'clock._--Heard that a vagabond was singing "Jim Crow" on Tower-hill--proceeded with a large body of the civic authorities to arrest him, but after an arduous chase of half-an-hour we unfortunately lost him in Houndsditch. Suppressed two illegal apple-stalls in the Minories, and took up a couple of young black-legs, whom I detected playing at chuck-farthing on Saffron-hill. Issued a proclamation against mad dogs, cautioning all well-disposed persons to avoid their society. _12 o'clock._--Waited upon by the secretary of the New River Company with a sample of the water they supply to the City--found that it was much improved by compounding it with an equal portion of cognac--gave a certificate accordingly. Lunched, and took a short nap in my cocked hat. _1 o'clock._--Police-court. Disposed of several cases summarily--everybody in court amazed at the extraordinary acuteness I displayed, and the rapidity with which I gave my decisions--they did not know that I always privately tossed up--heads, complainant wins, and tails, defendant--this is the fairest way after all--no being humbugged by hard swearing or innocent looks--no sifting of witnesses--no weighing of evidence--no deliberating--no hesitating--the thing is done in an instant--and, if the guilty should escape, why the fault lies with fortune, and not with justice.