Apparent efforts at concealment invariably lead to doubt, and, doubt engendering curiosity, is very like to undergo, especially from one of the fair sex, a scrutiny of the most searching kind. Eve caused the fall of Adam--a daughter of Eve has discovered and crushed this heretofore hidden mystery. This peculiarly _empty_ individual was discovered by the good lady--despite the disguise of a black patch upon his nose and an immeasurable outspread of Bandana superficially covering that (as he asserted) useless orifice, his mouth--sneaking into the far-off premises of a miscellaneous vendor of ready-dressed eatables; and there Bernard the faster--the anti-nourishment and terrestrial food-defying wonder--the certificated of Heaven knows how many deacons, parsons, physicians, and fools--demanded the very moderate allowance for his breakfast of a twopenny loaf, a sausage, and a quarter of a pound of ham _cut fat_: that's the beauty of it--cut fat! The astonished witness of this singular purchase rushed at once to the hotel: Cavanagh might contain the edibles, she could not: the affair was blown; an investigation very properly adjudicated upon the case; and three months' discipline at the tread-mill is now the reward of this arch-impostor's merits. So far so good; but in the name of common sense let some experienced practitioner in the art of "cutting for the simples" be furnished with a correct list of the awful asses he has cozened at "hood-man blind;" and pray Heaven they may each and severally be operated on with all convenient speed! * * * * * "SLUMBER, MY DARLING." During the vacation, the Judges' bench in each of the Courts at Westminster Hall has been furnished with luxurious air-cushions, and heated with the warm-air apparatus. Baron Parke declares that the Bench is now really a snug berth,--and, during one of Sergeant Bompas's long speeches, a most desirable place for taking [Illustration: A SOUND NAP.] * * * * * A FAMILIAR EPISTLE FROM JOHN STUMP, ESQ., POET LAUREATE TO THE BOROUGH OF GRUB-CUM-GUZZLE, TO SIMON NIBB, ESQ., COMMON-COUNCIL-MAN OF THE SAID BOROUGH, _Setting forth a notable Plan for the better management of_ RAILWAY DIRECTORS. DEAR SIMON,