"Shockingly. A general break up of the constitution--went all to pieces. First, decay appeared in the brace buttons; then the straps got out of order. They did say it was owing to the heels of the French-polished boots going down on one side, but the boots would never admit it." "How did you get here?" "I came from the Bench for eggs and bacon for the Cornet and his Valet's breakfast! What brought you?" "The Count's landlady, for a week's rent." "What did you fetch?" "A guinea!" "Bless me, you must have worn well." "No; hold your tongue--I think I shall die with laughing,--ha! ha!--When they took me in, I returned the compliment. I've been--" "What?" "Cuffed and collared!" "Ha! ha! ha! ha!" shouted both coats; and "Ha! ha!" shouted I; "And I'll teach you to 'ha! ha!' and neglect your business" shouted the Governor; and the reality of a stunning box on the ear dispelled the illusion of my "Day-dream at my Uncle's." FUSBOS. * * * * * "BLOW GENTLE BREEZE." The Reverend Henry _Snow_, M.A., has been inducted by the Bishop of Gloucester, to the Vicarage of Sherborne cum _Windrush_. From Glo'ster _see_, a _windrush_ came, and lo! On Sherborne Vicarage it drifted _Snow_. * * * * * THE HEIR OF APPLEBITE. CHAPTER VIII. SHOWS WHAT'S AFTER A PARTY, AND WHAT'S IN A NAME. [Illustration: U]Undoubtedly on the following day 24 Pleasant-terrace was the most uncomfortable place in the universe. Some one has said that wherever Pleasure is, Pain is certain not to be far off; and the truth of the allegory is never better exemplified than on the day after "a most delightful party." We can only compare it to the morning succeeding a victory by which the conqueror has gained a great deal of glory at a very considerable expenditure of _materiel_. Let us accompany the mistress of the house as she proceeds from room to room, to ascertain the damage done by the enemy upon the furniture and decorations. A light damask curtain is found to have been saturated with port wine; a ditto chair-cushion has been doing duty as a dripping-pan to a cluster of wax-lights; a china shepherdess, having been brought into violent collision with the tail of a raging lion on the mantel-piece, has reduced the noble beast to the short-cut condition of a Scotch colley. A broken candle has perversely fallen the only way in which it could have done any damage, and has thrown the quicksilver on the back of a large looking-glass into an alarming state of eruption. The return of "cracked and broken" presents a fearful list of smashage and fracture: _the best_ tea-set is rendered unfit for active service, being minus two saucers, a cup-handle, and a milk-jug; the green and gold dessert-plates have been frightfully reduced in numbers; two fiddle-handle spoons are completely _hors de combat_, having been placed under the legs of the supper-table to keep it steady; seven