PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 100. April 25th, 1891. MR. PUNCH'S POCKET IBSEN. (_Condensed and Revised Version by Mr P.'s Own Harmless Ibsenite._) No. III.--HEDDA GABLER. ACT I. SCENE--_A Sitting-room cheerfully decorated in dark colours. Broad doorway, hung with black crape, in the wall at back, leading to a back Drawing-room, in which, above a sofa in black horsehair, hangs a posthumous portrait of the late_ General GABLER. _On the piano is a handsome pall. Through the glass panes of the back Drawing-room window are seen a dead wall and a cemetery. Settees, sofas, chairs, &c., handsomely upholstered in black bombazine, and studded with small round nails. Bouquets of immortelles and dead grasses are lying everywhere about._ _Enter_ Aunt JULIE (_a good-natured looking lady in a smart hat_). _Aunt J._ Well, I declare, if I believe GEORGE or HEDDA are up yet! (_Enter_ GEORGE TESMAN, _humming, stout, careless, spectacled._) Ah, my dear boy, I have called before breakfast to inquire how you and HEDDA are after returning late last night from your long honeymoon. Oh, dear me, yes; am I not your old Aunt, and are not these attentions usual in Norway? _George._ Good Lord, yes! My six months' honeymoon has been quite a little travelling scholarship, eh? I have been examining archives. Think of _that_! Look here, I'm going to write a book all about the domestic interests of the Cave-dwellers during the Deluge. I'm a clever young Norwegian man of letters, eh? _Aunt J._ Fancy your knowing about that too! Now, dear me, thank Heaven! _George._ Let me, as a dutiful Norwegian nephew, untie that smart, showy hat of yours. (_Unties it, and pats her under the chin._) Well, to be sure, you have got yourself really up,--fancy that! [_He puts hat on chair close to table._ _Aunt J._ (_giggling_). It was for HEDDA'S sake--to go out walking with her in. (HEDDA _approaches from the back-room; she is pallid, with cold, open, steel-grey eyes; her hair is not very thick, but what there is of it is an agreeable medium brown._) Ah, dear HEDDA! [_She attempts to cuddle her._ _Hedda_ (_shrinking back_). Ugh, let me go, do! (_Looking at_ Aunt JULIE'S _hat._) TESMAN, you must really tell the housemaid not to leave her old hat about on the drawing-room chairs. Oh, is it _your_ hat? Sorry I spoke, I'm sure! _Aunt J._ (_annoyed_). Good gracious, little Mrs. HEDDA; my nice new hat that I bought to go out walking with _you_ in! _George_ (_patting her on the back_). Yes, HEDDA, she did, and the parasol too! Fancy, Aunt JULIE always positively thinks of everything, eh? _Hedda_ (_coldly_). You hold _your_ tongue. Catch me going out walking with your aunt! One doesn't _do_ such things. _George_ (_beaming_). Isn't she a charming woman? Such fascinating manners! My goodness, eh? Fancy that!