Consols, or Dividends, or Rents Don't interest _me_ much; "Goschens," reduced or otherwise, Are things _I_ may not touch, Two hundred pounds per year, all told, Leaves little room for "exes;" And 'tisn't only _public_ men That "lack of pence" much vexes. So please give me a Penny, Sir! The mysteries of High Finance I don't presume to plumb; So year by year my back they shear, Sure that they'll find _me_ dumb. But the oft-trodden worm will turn; "Demand Notes" never slack; And "Schedule D" fast at twice three, Breaks the wage-earner's back. So please give me a Penny, Sir! The moneyed swells who make "returns," Much at their own sweet will, Don't gauge the poor clerk's scanty purse, The small shopkeeper's till, How hard 'tis to make both ends meet, When hard times tightly nip; Or how small incomes sorely feel The annual sixpenny dip. So please give me a Penny, Sir! Please give me a Penny, Sir! 'Tis heard on every side, Muttered by poverty's pinched lip, Silent so long--from pride. Ah! listen to their pleadings, Sir, And pity the true poor, Whose life is one long fight to keep The wolf from the house-door. Oh, please give me a Penny, Sir! * * * * * "ROOSE IN URBE."--Dr. ROBSON ROOSE has returned to town after a trip to Madeira. * * * * * "SWEET STRIFE." _By an Unionist M.P._ When PARNELL's mocked by HEALY, In strident voice and squealy; When HEALY'S snubbed by PARNELL, In voice as from the charnel-- I understand the windy Wild charm of WAGNER'S shindy. Discord _may_ be melodious, When Harmony sounds odious; Than _Israfel_ more dear is Old Erin's latest _Eris!_ * * * * * THE _IN_-KERRECT KERR. IT was once said that Pianos may now be had on "MOORE and MOORE" easy terms every day. Mrs. WALTER found that those "easy terms" involved such pleasures as returning the instrument she had paid many instalments on, getting an order from the masterful Mr. Commissioner KERR to pay costs as well, and committal to prison for three weeks on the charge of "contempt of Court"--for disobeying an order which Justices SMITH and GRANTHAM declare the genial Commissioner had no sort of right to make!!! If this is the "hire-purchase system," a piano-less life is infinitely preferable to braving its manifold perils and penalties. Easy terms, indeed? Yes,--about as "easy" as "easy shaving" with a serrated oyster-knife! Mrs. WALTER'S fate should be a warning to would-be piano-purchasers, and, _Mr. Punch_ would fain hope, to exacting System-workers and arbitrary Commissioners. * * * * * [Illustration: "PLEASE GIVE ME A PENNY!" NEEDY INCOME-TAX PAYER (loq.). "HOPE YOU WON'T FORGET ME _THIS TIME_, SIR!!"] * * * * * FOR BETTER OR WORSE!