_Professional Golfer_ (_in answer to anxious question_). "WEEL, NO, SIR, AT YOUR TIME O' LIFE, YE CAN NEVER HOPE TO BECOME A _PLAYER_; BUT IF YE PRACTISE HARD FOR THREE YEARS, YE MAY BE ABLE TO TELL GOOD PLAY FROM BAD WHEN YE SEE IT!"] * * * * * THE "PAPER-CHASE." _The Hare (with many financial friends) loquitur_:-- Here goes! 'Tis a rather new line-- But that is no very great matter. If they've faith in a lead, 'tis in mine, So a tentative trail let me scatter, The old track of country this time I'll forsake; I trust they'll not think I have made a mistake? That old line of country they know, Across it for years they've been rangers, All right, when the going is slow, When 'tis fast, are they fly to its dangers? For Hares to raise scares 'midst the Hounds were improper, But how if the pack come a general cropper? Remarkably near it last time, Though some of 'em didn't suspect it; But _I_ spy the peril! 'Twere crime If I did not help them to detect it. If they don't like my trail they must give me the sack; I'd rather be bullied than break up the pack. They fancy I'll keep the old course, There or thereabout. But I've a notion! They'll grumble perhaps, with some force, But they're not going to flurry G. GOSCHEN. Of this havresack there have been some smart carriers-- I'll make 'em sit up, though, the L.S.D. Harriers! I love 'em, each supple-shanked lad, 'Most as much as--Statistics. To trudge it For _them_ makes my bosom as glad As--Big Surplus, and Popular Budget; And so I should like to secure them a run, Combining snug safety with plenty of fun. I don't wont to lessen their speed, I don't want to hamper their daring; But rashness won't always succeed-- Just ask that smart runner, young B-R-NG! And that's why I'm trying to strike a new line For our Paper-Chase--catting the "Paper" up fine. I scatter it wide. Will it float? Of course for awhile there's no knowing; But I shall be able to note, By the sequel, _which way the wind's blowing_. There! Look like white-birds, or banknotes, in full flight. Now, lads, double up! There's not one yet in sight! Of course I'm ahead of my field, As a Hare worth his salt ever should be. My Hounds, though, are mostly spring-heeled. Eh? Funk it? I don't think that could be! The L.S.D. Harriers' lick others hollow For pluck and for pace. There's the trail,--_will they follow_? * * * * * "SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST."--You need not go to Holland to see the Hague. You may find it--him we mean--at DOWDESWELL's Gallery. Here you can revel in a good fit of the Hague without shivering. Indeed, Mr. ANDERSON HAGUE, judging from his pictures of North Cambria, seems to be very fit, and therefore, he may be called an HAGUE-fit. * * * * * A CAN(NES)DID CONFESSION. (_BY A SUFFERING ANGELINA._)