SCENE--_The outside of a small fancy-stationer's in a back-street. The windows are plastered with highly-coloured caricatures, designed to convey the anonymous amenities prescribed by poetic tradition at this Season of the Year. A small crowd is inspecting these works of Art and Literature with hearty approval._ _First Artisan_. See this 'ere, BILL? (_He spells out with a slow relish._) "With yer crawlin,' lick-spittle carneyin' ways, Yo think very likely bein' a nippercrit'll pay! Still some day it's certain you'll be found out at lorst As a cringin', sloimy, snoike in the grorss!" Why, it might ha' been wrote a-purpose for that there little cantin' beggar up at our shop--blowed if it mightn't! _Second Artisan_. Young MEALY, yer mean? But that's cawmplimentry--for _him_--that is! _First A._ But yer see the ideer of it. They've drawed im a snoike, all 'cept 'is 'ed, d'ye see? That's why they've wrote "Snoike in the Grorss," underneath. Hor-hor! they must be smart chaps to think o' sech things as that 'ere, eh? [_They move on._ _First Servant Girl_ (_reading_)-- "Two squintin' boss-heyes, and 'air all foiry-red. You surely can't ever expect to be wed? Yer nose shows plain you've took to gin. _You_'re a nice party for a wedding-ring!" I've 'arf a mind to go in and git one o' them to send Missis. _Second S.G._ (_in service elsewhere_). Oh, I _would_! Go in, SALLY, quick. I can lend yer a ap'ny towards it. _Sally_ (_meditatively_). _I_'d do it--on'y she'd guess 'ood sent it her! _Second S.G._ _Let_ 'er. You can stick 'er out it wasn't _you_. _Sally_. I could, O' course--but it wouldn't be no use, she'd tell the 'andwriting on the hongvelope! (_Gloomily._) _Second S.G._ Oh, if that's all, _I'll_ direct it for yer. Come on, SALLY; it will be sech a lark, and then you can tell me all about what she said arterwards! [_They enter the shop._ _First Young Person in hat and feathers_ (_reading_)-- "The female 'art you think you'll mash, By sporting stick-up collars and a la-di-da moustache. But I tell you straight it'll be a long time Before I take you to be _my_ Valentine!" I do wonder what CHORLEY 'AWKINS would say if I sent him one of them. _Second Y.P._ But I thought you told me CHORLEY 'AWKINS never took no notice of you? _First Y.P._ No more he does--but p'raps this 'ud _make_ him! _A Young Woman_ (_who has fallen out with her fiancé_). They ain't _arf_ Valentines this year, I wish I could come across one with 'orns and a tail! _Elder Sister_ (_to small Brother--in a moral tone_). _Now_, JIMMY, you see what comes o' Book-learnin'. If you 'adn't gone to the Board School so regular, you wouldn't ha' been able to read all the potry on the Valentines like you can now, _would_ yer now? * * * * *