Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, February 7, 1891Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, February 7, 1891
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
This unusual request, conceived as it was on a larger scale than the
orders he habitually received, startled the youth, particularly as
he noted that the symmetrical and well-turned limb which the Bishop
extended consisted, like its fellow, of a rare and costly species of
mahogany, and shone with the rich and glossy hue of a newly-fallen
horse-chestnut, "I see," commented the Bishop, with a melancholy
smile, "that you have already discovered that my lower members are
the product--not of Nature, but of Art. It was not always thus with
me--but in my younger days I was an ardent climber--indeed, I am still
an Honorary Member of the Hampstead Heath Alpine Club. Many years
since, whilst scaling Primrose Hill, I was compelled, by a sudden
storm, to take refuge in a half-way hut, where I passed the night,
exposed to all the rigours of an English Midsummer! When I awoke
I found, to my surprise, that both my legs had been bitten by the
relentless frost short off immediately below the knee, and I had to
continue the ascent next day in a basket. On descending, I caused
these substitutes to be fashioned, and on them I stumped my way to
the exalted position I now fill, nor have I ever evinced any physical
inconveniences from my misfortune, save in one particular--that it
has rendered the assumption of gaiters unhappily out of the question!
But, possibly, my wish to have these legs of mine disguised by your
pigments, strikes you as bizarre, if not positively eccentric? You
will better understand my reasons after you have heard a confession
which, though necessary, is, believe me, painful to make." And the
good old man, after a short internal struggle, began the following
narrative, which we reserve for a succeeding chapter.
CHAPTER II.
"Even as a Curate, a certain harmless vanity was ever my besetting
weakness. I might, indeed, have hoped that, after my accident--but
see, my good lad, how pride may lurk, even in our very infirmities!
These artificial limbs have become a yet subtler snare to me than
even those they replaced. I had them constructed, as you see, of
the best mahogany--to match the furniture in my dining-room. With
ever-increasing pleasure, my eyes have gloried in their grain and
gloss, in the symmetry of their curves, in the more than Chinese
delicacy of their extremities, until gradually they have trampled upon
my better self, they have run away with all my possibilities of moral
usefulness! Yes, but this very moment, as I stood admiring their
contour at yonder window, the pernicious thought crossed my mind that
their appearance would be yet more enhanced if I had them _gilded_!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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