Fair dames of the land will acknowledge my power, And Scientists sage will be slaves at my feet; Offers of marriage I'll get in full shower, And fools in my cause in their thousands will meet. They'll trot out each new "scientific" vagary, Some hope of escape to my prison to bring, And scribes on my case will be sportive and airy And tell how I look, eat, sleep, dress, talk or sing. Those I have butchered will get scant attention, Interest's sure to be centred in me. Painters will picture me, poets may mention, Beauties discuss me at five o'clock tea. Mad doctors will fight o'er my mental condition, Hypnotists swear I was somebody's tool; And if I'm condemned, why a Monster Petition Will promptly be signed by each faddist and fool. Murder--and good Dr. LIÈGOIS of Nancy Will back you, LABRUYÈRE will help you away. I'd be a Murderer, that is my fancy, He is the only true Hero to-day! * * * * * THE AMUSING RATTLE'S TOPICAL NOTEBOOK. (_FOR THE USE OF DINERS-OUT AND OTHER AMATEUR ENTERTAINERS._) _The Strike in Scotland_.--You might suggest, that were it in Ireland, one might see a _rail_ way out of it, or rather in it. This jest may be expected to be appreciated by a parson's wife of the sharper sort. Something ought to be got out of the visit of the agitator BURNS to the North. Example of what can be done in this direction:--"People who play with fire (persons who go in for strikes) must expect BURNS." However, be careful not to say this to a Scotchman, or he may want your blood before you get to the cigarettes. North Britons are very jealous of the reputation of their national poet, and permit no jokes upon the subject. You see, in letting off your witticism at a Scotchman, you would have to explain that it _was_ a joke. You might also hint that it was "hard lines" for the Railway Companies concerned; but this will provoke gloom rather than gaiety amongst those who have invested in Caledonians and North British. If you talk about the riots in connection with the movement, you might say that the pugnacious rioters remind you of safety matches, "for they not only strike, but strike on the box!" _The Parnell Negociations in France_.--You can say something about O'BRIEN's invitation to Mr. PARNELL to pay him an evening visit on the French coast, reminds you of the once popular song, "_Meet me by Moonlight, Boulogne_." If you are told that "Boulogne" should be "Alone," return, "Precisely--borrowed a word--Boulogne was a loan." This ought to go with roars. At a Smoking Concert you might suggest that Mr. O'BRIEN was just the man to settle a quarrel, because even when he was in prison he took an absorbing interest in _the proper adjustment of breeches_!