_The Mother._ Ah, well, we musn't be 'ard on her, if that's so. _The O. of the H._ (_removing the obstruction_). I 'ope you're satisfied _now_, I'm sure? _The Father_ (_handsomely_). Better late nor never, Mum, and we take it kind of you. Though, why you shouldn't ha' done it at fust, I dunno; for you look a deal 'ansomer without the 'at than, what you did in it--_don't_ she, MARIA? _The O. of the H._ (_mollified_). SAM, ask the gentleman behind if his boy would like a ginger-nut. [_This olive-branch is accepted; compliments pass; cordiality is restored, and the Pantomime proceeds without further disturbance._ * * * * * SOMETHING LIKE A SUBSCRIPTION! (_A PAGE FROM THE BOOK OF PHILANTHROPY._) The Committee waited impatiently the arrival of the Great and Good Man. It was their duty to obtain a donation--an ample one--from the Millionnaire whose charity was renowned far and wide, from one end of the world to the other. At length he appeared before them. [Illustration] "What can I do for you?" he asked, with a smile that absolutely shone with benevolence. "You know, Sir, that the claims of the poor in the Winter are numerous, and difficult to meet?" "Certainly I do," returned the Man of Wealth, "and hope that you are about to ask me for a subscription." "Indeed we were," cried the spokesman of the Committee, his eyes filling with grateful tears. "May I put you down for five pounds?" "Five pounds!" echoed the Millionnaire, impatiently, "What is five pounds?--_five thousand_ is much more like the figure! Now, I will give you five thousand pounds on one condition." "Name it!" cried the Deputation in a breath. "The simplest thing in the world," continued the Millionnaire. "I will give you five thousand pounds on the condition that you get ninety-nine other fellows to do the same. Nay, you shall thank me when all is collected. I can wait till then." * * * * * The above words were spoken more than thirty years ago. Since then the Deputation have been waiting for the other fellows--and so has the Millionnaire! * * * * * PROFESSOR V. PROFESSOR. PROFESSOR VIRCHOW seems by no means Koch-sure about the _tuberculosis_ remedy. Indeed Professor KOCH finds that there is not only "much virtue in an 'if,'" but much "if" in a VIRCHOW! He is inclined to sing with SWINBURNE:-- "Come down, and redeem us from VIRCHOW." * * * * * THE FRIEND OF IRELAND AND THE WORDY KNIFE-GRINDER. (_IMITATION SAPPHICS SOME WAY AFTER CANNING AND FRERE._) [Illustration: _Wordy Knife-Grinder_. "STORY! GOD BLESS YOU! I HAVE NONE TO TELL, SIR!"] _Friend of Ireland_:-- "Wordy Knife-Grinder! Whither are you going? Dark is your way--your wheel looks out of order-- Mitchelstown palls, and there seems no more spell in O'BRIEN's breeches!