WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD DOWN EAST; _OR, A MAUVAIS JEW D'ESPRIT._ Will you, if you please, point out to me the way to the streets which, I am told, are paved with gold? Where shall I find the employer of labour who, I have been told, will instantly get me occupation at a wage of 60 roubles the week? Dear me! in this, then, your "White Chapel"? I was told it was a luxurious quarter, famous for its Palaces. Surely this horrid den is not one of your model work-rooms? I was told that such things existed only in Russia! And are these people who are scowling at and cursing me your typical working population? Why, I was told that I should find them dear brothers, waiting to welcome us with open arms. And is this pittance you offer me all that you pay for making a coat? I was told that it was quite twelve times as much as this. Ah! I'm afraid I have been told, and have given credit to, a great many things to which I never should have listened at all. * * * * * [Illustration: FELINE AMENITIES. _Lady Godiva de Rougepott_. "I DON'T THINK ANY PAINTING LOOKS WELL IN THIS HORRID ELECTRIC LIGHT!" _Hostess_ (_nettled_). "DON'T YOU, DEAR? PERHAPS YOU WOULD PREFER TO REMAIN IN THE DRAWING-ROOM, WHERE THE LAMPS AND SHADES ARE!"] * * * * * THE FRUIT OF THE SESSION. "To the bi-monthly exhibition of the Royal Horticultural Society the Marquis of SALISBURY sent a magnificent collection--of strawberries especially. Mr. W.H. SMITH showed specimens of the same luscious fruit, for which he received the thanks of the Society."--_Daily Telegraph_. _Head-Gardener_ SM-TH _soliloquiseth_:-- OHO! my beauty! If _you_ don't get a fust prize, and "receive the thanks of the Society" I'm a cowcumber! "The Fruits of Early Industry and Economy." Title of a picture by that splendid sample of the industrious and the economical, GEORGE MORLAND, I believe. Yes, that's it. My Industry and G-SCH-N's Economy. We are a moral family; We are, we are, we are! All the cardinal virtues bound in--ahem! no matter. Talk of the Gigantic Gooseberry! What is that apocryphal monstrosity compared with this Brobdingnagian Berry? [_Sings._ Bravo, my "British Queen"! Long live my "British Queen"! Brave "British Queen"! Send it victorious, First-Prizer glorious, Fill Rads censorious With envious spleen! As you _will_, my Beauty! When did swaggering H-RC-RT's horticulture produce such goodly fruits? Or sour-mug'd M-RL-Y's? Or leary L-BBY's? Or Slawkenbergian M-ND-LLA's? Or even that of the Grand Old Grower, GL-DST-NE himself, with all his fluent patter about British Pomona, and the native Jam-pot?