Or, didst thou write, as some have done, a shocker, And sell it on the stalls of Mr. SMITH? Or, write us versicles like FREDERICK LOCKER, Or, ANDREW-LANG-like, talk about a myth? Or, by thine own success amazed and staggered, Make Zulus make thee rich, like Mr. HAGGARD? Or, like BUCHANAN, didst thou quite exhaust in One volume such abuse as fits a barge? Twitter and chirp like Mr. ALFRED AUSTIN, Or make a trifle mystically large, Like SWINBURNE, round whose verse the fog grows stronger Just in proportion as his lines are longer? Whate'er thou didst, where'er thou wert, we found thee. "Behold!" we cried, "the Sergeant reappears." Let not our welcome overmuch astound thee, Whom we have missed through twelve unhappy years. Restored at length to England, home, and beauty, Sergeant-at-Arms advance, and do thy duty! * * * * * ANCIENT "BLOCK SYSTEM" AT ETON. [Illustration: _The Head Master_. "Here's _wishing_ you well!" N.B.--The rod may not be a _whack-simile_ of the original, but our old Eton Boy says _it is quite near enough_, and, "in his position at the time," as he adds with truth, "it was impossible to see it."] * * * * * The 'Bus Strike being at an end, the newspapers will discontinue writing _de Omnibus rebus_, and must employ themselves upon _quibusdam aliis_. * * * * * "JUST A GOIN' TO BEGIN."--_The Fourth Centenary_ of the Foundation of Eton College is the Festival of the _First Saint 'Enery_. * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, June 15_.--RICHARD CHAMBERLAIN back to-night, after long absence. Been up the Nile, calling on PTOLEMY and PHARAOH, and visiting scenes connected with the early life of Brother JOSEPH. Much enjoyed the trip; entered House to-night full of life and energy; suddenly pulled up; hair rose; flesh crept; blood chilled. Was it true? Could it be possible? Yes; no doubt about it. There was Prince ARTHUR still lounging on Treasury Bench with MADDEN in reserve. About a score of Members present, including WINDBAG SEXTON, looking on with his irritating smile of supreme superiority, whilst SAGE of QUEEN ANNE'S GATE moved rejection of Irish Land Purchase Bill. [Illustration: Brother Dick] "Why!" exclaimed Brother DICK, his hair still visibly rising, "when I was here last, weeks and months ago, they were discussing Irish Land Bill; Prince ARTHUR sprawled on Treasury Bench; LABBY was denouncing the Bill as pernicious; and SEXTON, having just sat down and just going to follow, looked on with sort of pitying toleration of other people who assumed to know anything of the Bill. Do I dream, or are there visions about? Think I'll go and pinch JESSE COLLINGS, and see if I'm awake."