_Earnest Listener_ (_irritably_). No, no--I don't want anything. There, I've lost the last part of ROMEO's speech. [_Steels himself against further distractions, and tries to concentrate all his attention on the play._ "_Juliet_. O, ROMEO! ROMEO! wherefore art thou, ROMEO?" &c. "_Romeo_ (_aside_). Shall I hear more, or shall I speak at this?" _Excited Somebody_ (_in distant Stall, beckoning to Second Attendant_). Here! Hi! Here! I ordered gin-sling. _Second Attendant_ (_much relieved_). Oh, you was it? D'you mind stretchin' across--(_To gorgeous, eveningly-attired Lady, in row between_). Beg pardon. _Gorgeous Lady_ (_horribly disturbed_). She'll spill it--you'll spill it--CHARLEY, why don't you-- _Charles_ (_her Friend_). Here! (_To Fascinating Attendant as politely as possible_). Can't you go round with it-- _Few Ancient Playgoers_. Sssh! Sssh! _Second Attendant_ (_to distant Customer_). I'll bring it. 'Scuse me. [_Retraces her fascinating steps along front row. Chaff--exclamations--near and distant poppings of corks, striking of matches, and other accompaniments to JULIET's speech._ And so forth, _ad libitum_. The same thing going on all over the house during the remainder of the Shakspearean play. * * * * * [Illustration: "L'INVITATION À LA VALSE." _She_. "BUT YOU DON'T KNOW MY NAME! WHAT HAVE YOU PUT DOWN ON YOUR CUFF!" _He_. "OH, I'VE PUT DOWN 'PEARL NECKLACE.'" _She_. "BUT THERE ARE LOTS OF PEARL NECKLACES HERE!" _He_. "YES; BUT I'VE ALSO PUT DOWN 'SMALL AND RATHER TIGHT'--I MEAN THE _NECKLACE_, YOU KNOW!"] * * * * * THE GREAT WHALING EXPEDITION. LATEST VERSION. _BY_ BILLY (H. SM-TH), _THE (ST. STEPHEN'S) BO'SEN_. 'Twas in Ninety One, d'ye see, Brave boys! With SOLLY I did sa-a-a-ail, When one Monday night We went out--_not_ to fight, But we went for to catch a Whale. Brave boys! We went for to catch a Whale! There was dirty weather about, Brave boys! _Trade_-winds was blowin' a ga-a-a-le, When the Skipper sings out, As we chopped about, "My eyes! there goes _such_ a Whale! Brave boys! Dear eyes I there goes _such_ a Whale!" It were the whoppingest Whale, Brave boys! As ever whisked a ta-a-a-il; In the trough o' the sea It was Labouring free. And a lashin' the waves like a flail, Brave boys! A lashin' the waves like a flail. We had heard o' that Whale afore, Brave boys! Says SOLLY, "I'll go ba-a-a-ail, The Rads would roar If that monster they sor-r! But _we_ want to catch that Whale, Brave boys! _We_ want to catch that Whale!