Missis G., you do raly amaze me! This comes of our precious mix-up; Which the child's no more like one of ourn than a pug's like a tarrier-pup. In the best-regulated o' fam'lies things will go askew, I'm aweer; As I says to my friend Mrs. HARRIS, as says to me, "SAIREY, my dear, You looks dragged, my sweet creetur," she says. "Missis HARRIS," I makes 'er reply, "When the 'art in one's buzzum beats 'ot, there's excuge for the tear in one's heye. Which wales isn't in it for worrit, my love, with your poor old pal, SAIREY, Along o' the Fam'ly," I says; "as things _do_ seem to go that contrairey, _My_ services now ain't required, with 'adoptions' all over the shop, From Brummagem, yus, and elsewheres; and I ast 'Where is this thing to stop?' RITCHIE'S 'pick-up' was tryin', most tryin'; and as to those bad Irish brats, As BALFOUR interjuced--dear! jest fancy our Party adopting small Pats! And now this here Brummagem babby! You say he's a promising cheild, Missis G., and 'you're learning to love him!' All this makes old SAIREY feel wild. It's wus than kidnapping, this bizness of picking up 'Fondlings' all round. You're nussing a wiper, _I_ say, and you'll soon feel 'is bite, _I'll_ be bound. Who arsked for 'im, BETSY--I mean Missis G.--who demanded the brat? _You_'ve altered your mind, and you pet him; you'd much better mind what you're at. Drat the boy's bragian imperence! _I_ says. He's a halien, a fondling, a waif, And _I_ never knew, for my part, _any_ Brummagem goods as wos _safe!_" * * * * * [Illustration: THE ADOPTED CHILD. MOTHER GOSCHEN. "FOUND 'IM IN BIRMINGHAM, MY DEAR! DIDN'T LIKE 'IM AT FIRST,--BUT, SOMEHOW, I'VE QUITE TOOK A FANCY TO 'IM!!" MRS. GAMP. "A FONDLING INDEED!--WHICH ALL I CAN SAY IS I DON'T LIKE THE LOOKS OF 'IM!!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Monday, April 27_.--"Well, I never!" said GEORGE ELLIOT, beaming on House from back bench; "have known HARCOURT man and boy for forty years; seen him in divers moods; watched him through various occupations. These have been so many that I have had time to forget he was once Chancellor of the Exchequer; but he was, and upon my word, listening to him to-night, and knowing something about figures myself, I believe he would have made a splash at the Treasury." [Illustration: Genial George.]