HOLIDAY TRAVELLING.--You say that recent disclosures about Railway Bridges have made you nervous. The plan of personally inspecting every bridge your train will pass over on your way to Scotland is an excellent one, if you have time for it. Possibly also, a Railway Manager might agree to put a specially light engine to your train. As you say you are going to take a couple of tourist tickets, third class, it would probably pay him well to make any little alteration of that kind. IMPECUNIOSITY.--We cannot help you. Reading the Riot Act and then assaulting them with a poker is not the best way of getting the Bailiffs out of a house. Try gentle persuasion. If you have recently had a case of black typhus in the house, you might mention the fact to them, and see what they say. * * * * * [Illustration: LADIES IN THE HOUSE. THE SUCCESS OF THE SEASON.] * * * * * [Illustration: FANCY PORTRAIT.] THE LAST KNIGHT OF THE SEASON. SIR AUGUSTUS DRURIOLANUS COVENT-GARDENIUS HARRIS, C.C.C.] * * * * * THE RULE OF THREE. (A POSSIBLE SCENE OF THE FUTURE.) PLAN OF ACTION.--_Somewhere conveniently situated for all parties. The King, the Kaiser, and the Emperor, discovered discussing the Treaty that has now been in force for some years._ _Kaiser_ (_with assumed cheerfulness_). Well, my dear Brothers, it is really time you should do something. It is not on my own account that I am anxious, but on yours--purely on yours. _King_ (_dryly_). Certainly! _Emperor_ (_with a smile_). No doubt! Pray proceed. _Kaiser_ (_addressing Italy_). Well, my dear friend, as I am afraid we are on the eve of a contest with France, I must beg of you to place three Army Corps upon your Alpine frontiers. _King_ (_with assumed surprise_). Why should I do this? It will be most inconvenient! _Kaiser_. Why, to carry out the provisions of the Treaty. _Emperor_ (_interposing_). Your pardon, that stipulation was suppressed at King HUMBERT's request. _Kaiser_ (_annoyed_). Oh, was it! Then, my friend, perhaps you will be so good (as my relations with the CZAR are strained almost to breaking), as to station troops on the Russian frontier beyond Cracow. _Emperor_ (_with improvised astonishment_). Why should I do this? It will be most inconvenient. _Kaiser_. Why, to carry out the provisions of the Treaty. _King_ (_interposing_). Your pardon; that stipulation was suppressed at the request of the Emperor of AUSTRIA. _Kaiser_. Oh, was it? (_Losing his temper._) Then I consider the whole affair as gross a swindle as-- _Emperor_ (_interrupting_). Nay, Sire, remember your birth and position! It is a passing annoyance, but it should not move you. Remember, you are a Hohenzollern! Let me offer you a cigarette. _Kaiser_ (_calming down_). Well, perhaps I had better be quiet. It is more dignified. _King_ (_helping himself to the Emperor's cigarette-case_). Let me join you.