AN OLD SCHOOL BUOY.--Under the heading of "Church and Schools," the _St. James's Gazette_ gave an interesting illustration of "public spirit in schools." It recounted how "An Old Bedford Boy"--no relation to ROBERT, the Waiter, we believe--in the course of returning thanks, said, "I have bathed in all the great rivers of the world." Then he added, "the water of the sluggish Ouse is the sweetest of them all." Oddly enough his name was "ZINCKE," though evidently he must be a first-rate "Zwimmer." With genuine love for his old school, he might have added that he wished he was a Buoy again. But he seems to have got on swimmingly everywhere. * * * * * "HELPS" AND WHELPS. The following advertisement appeared some little time since in the columns of a daily contemporary:-- To those who have not time to give their dogs sufficient exercise in London.--A Lady, experienced, would EXERCISE DOGS in the Park. Terms, one hour daily, 5s. a week; two hours, 7s. 6d.--Address, &c. [Illustration] Listen to this, _Rover_, my hound! This passes expectation! A "Lady Guide," who'll trot you round For scant remuneration! When pain and anguish wring my brow Because I'm doomed to hark To your "Why-not-go-out?" bow-wow, _She_'ll take you to the Park! Cometh this ministering sprite, Smiling upon us meekly, And says, "I'll make your burden light For seven-and-sixpence weekly." They talk of "woman's sphere," when sole, Her hemisphere, when mated; But surely here she's reached the goal For which she was created! She'll _chaperon_ you down the Row, With silken cord she'll lead Your footsteps where the flowerets blow,-- A "lucky dog," indeed! She'll win your love by bits of cake, She'll let you bark, or growl, And fight with other dogs, and make War on the water-fowl. Yet is it right your wayward tramp Her maiden steps should hamper? No one who knows you for a scamp Would take you for a scamper! And oh!--a thought most base and black, That puts me in a fluster-- My _Rover, would she bring you back?_ No, no, I will not trust her! The offer tempts--(again that bark!)-- But no--'tis weak to falter; The chain that leads _you_ to the Park May lead _me_ to the Altar! * * * * * FROM A VERY OCCASIONAL CORRESPONDENT.--"At Craig-y-nos we've been keeping up quite Craig-y-noces. High jinks up here. Craig-y-nos means the 'Rock of the Night,' but, mind you, no rock has been required by any of us when we did go to bed, even though we had real Welsh rabbits for supper. Madame PATTI, who takes the Patti-cake here, is far too wiry ever to be a _Patti de foie gras_. Delicious air here, as any air must be in which PATTI has a voice.--Yours truly, "THE APPIEST OF THE AP JONESES." * * * * *