_Enter Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., with an assortment of musical instruments which he places on a table in front of him. Immense applause, during which the Hon. Gentleman picks up a Cornet and plays a solo. Enthusiasm._ _Mr. Farmer-Atkinson_ (_bowing after recovering from his exertions_). Ladies and Gentlemen. (_Hear, hear!_) Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen, for your cordial reception. (_Applause._) And you must know, Ladies and Gentlemen, that although I have given you a solo on the cornet, I did not visit this flourishing town (_cheers_), this highly civilised town (_renewed applause_), this model town (_hearty cheering_), with the intention of blowing my own trumpet. (_He pauses--silence._) Don't you understand? I did not want to blow my own trumpet--joke, see? (_A laugh._) Thank you! And now about the Irish Question. Well everybody harps upon it. So will I. "_Come back to Erin._" (_Plays and sings the touching melody--a harp accompaniment--applause._) Thank you! And now about the Triple Alliance. Well, I think I can illustrate that, both musically and politically. Triple means three. Well, I will take this drum on my back, beating it with the sticks that are bound to my shoulders; then I will apply my mouth to this set of pipes, while I beat a triangle with my hands. There! (_Plays the musical instruments simultaneously--applause._) Thank you! You see I get some sort of music. A little unattractive possibly ("_No! no!_"), but still sufficiently pleasing to elicit your admiration. ("_Hear, hear!_") Thank you! Well, this effect reminds me of the Triple Alliance. We may take the drum to represent Italy, the set of pipes Germany, always fond of making a shrill noise, and the triangle will ably represent Austria. See? (_Great applause._) And now I am very unwilling to weary you further. ("_No, no!_") Thank you! But I myself have an appointment which I must keep, so therefore, I must conclude my entertainment--I should say speech. Otherwise you would grow weary of me? ("_No, no!_") Thank you! But before bidding you good-bye, I must sing you one more song that I think will please everybody. It is called "_Home Sweet Home_." (_Thunders of applause._) And now I will just get the right key and fire away. (_He tunes up harp, and prepares to play._) And now, Ladies and Gentlemen, silence please, while I sing the most touching song in my _répertoire_. (_Sings with immense feeling, "Home, Sweet Home."_) Now then, Ladies and Gentlemen, chorus, please-- "Home, sweet home! Where'er we wander, There's no place like ho--o--o--ome!" [_The chorus is repeated as Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON disappears behind a curtain on the platform, and the audience fade away._ * * * * * A PENNY FRENCH--TWOPENCE BRITISH. (_A FRAGMENT FROM A ROMANCE OF THE G.P.O._)