_Jacky_. Surely such a matter is scarcely within my province? According to statute, my dear Father, you are bound to provide for me until (if my memory does not betray me) I reach the age of sixteen. As I am now five years younger than that limit, it is clearly your duty to support me. _Pater_. Why, Sir, you are insupportable! _Jacky_ (_smiling_). I see--a joke--very good! But, my dear Sir, do you think it quite dignified to make so small a jest in my presence? It is calculated to lessen my respect for you. _Pater_. Well I never! _Jacky_. Never what? You have not completed the sentence. _Pater_. Sir, you are an insolent young puppy! _Jacky_. I am forced to contradict you--in justice to yourself. You cannot be willing to let me regard you as a dog? _Pater_. (_after a pause_). Well, the sooner you get back to the school the better. _Jacky_ (_promptly_). I have no doubt you are right, my dear Father; and, as I take a sincere interest in your welfare, I would respectfully suggest that you should accompany me. It must be patent to us both that you are lacking in polish. _Pater_. (_losing his patience_). You young cub! I will give you the soundest thrashing you ever had in your life! _Materfamilias_ (_interposing_). Oh, you cruel man! What has the poor child done? _Jacky_ (_with ready tact_). Nothing, dearest Mamma, except to take after his kind, clever and accomplished Mother! [_Scene closes in upon a family group not entirely free from domestic complications._ * * * * * THE SURREY ABC. [Illustration] A is for ABEL, who can certainly block well; B stands for BOWLEY, and BEAUMONT, and BROOKWELL; C is the Captain, JOHN SHUTER his name; D is the Devotion he gives to the game; E is the Eleven, deservedly great; F is the Funk which their bowlers create. G stands for GEORGE--our only GEORGE LOHMANN; H for young HENDERSON, valiant young foeman. I is the Innings, beloved of the gapers; J is the Jargon they put in the papers. K is for KEY, the accomplished Dark Blue; L is for LOCKWOOD, who bowls a bit too; M is for MAURICE, his other name READ; N poor old Nottingham, beaten indeed. O is the Oval, the home of the crowd; P the Pavilion, the seat of the proud. Q is the Question, "Oh, Umpire, how's that?" R is for Gentleman READ, who can bat. S stands for SHARPE, it will pay you to mind him; T is the Trouble they were put to to find him; U their United attempts--hard, to beat them; V the Vain efforts oft made to defeat them. W represents WOOD at the wicket; X is the Xcellent style of their cricket. Y ends the county, not played out in a hurry. Z stands for Zero, a stranger to Surrey! * * * * * [Illustration]