There bobbing to their "betters" shall not be an institution With the Jemmies and the Jessamies, as in the good old day; There "Washhouses" shall civilise chawbacons--by ablution, And Drink-shops shall not freely tithe the ploughman's paltry pay. There shall be a Parish Council by the householders elected, Who will snub "the Village tyrant" and will cut the Parson's comb; And when once 'tis constituted such reform may be expected That poor HODGE in all sincerity may sing his "_Home, Sweet Home!_" _Chorus_.--In the Village, new Village, the sanitary spot, A small self-governed commune with full powers to "allot," A Free Library for all, And a handsome Meeting Hall, In the Village shaped on Democratic lines! There the Labourer shall not half-starve on "swankey." and thin pottage, With a prospect of the Workhouse when no longer he can work; But shall have a fragrant pigstye, and a sanitary cottage, And a voice in local business which the big-wigs cannot burke. The rural working-man shall superintend his children's schooling, And control long ill-used "charities," and champion "common rights," And, in fact, there'll be an end to Squire's sole sway and Parson's fooling, And the rustic's sole hope-beacon shall no more be "London's Lights." _Chorus_.--In the Village, new Village, &c., &c. There the peasant politician with the Guardian shall grapple, And keep up the rural standard, and keep down the local rates; The haughty Church no longer there shall lord it o'er the Chapel, And the Voluntary School shall find the level it so hates. In short, with Local Government invested, the whole Village Shall grow vigorous, and virtuous, and prosperous, and proud, And free from Landlord pressure, and the Parson's petty pillage, The peasants shall no longer to the slums of London crowd. _Chorus_.--From the Village, new Village, a happy little spot, A home of peace and plenty, where oppression may not plot; Where there's room enough for all. And the "hind" is _not_ a "thrall," In the Village shaped on Democratic lines! * * * * * A SAFE NOVEL. (_WITH INTERPOLATED NOTES BY OUR OWN LEGAL ADVISER._) CHAPTER I.--THE LOVERS' PARTING. The sun was setting behind the towers of the church of Greenborough-on-the-Driblet. [It must be clearly and distinctly understood that this village is not intended to refer to any parish with the word "green" introduced in the title--all incumbents of such livings being the most honourable and distinguished of men.] Two persons were bidding one another adieu. The first was a man in the prime of life wearing a suit of tweeds. [Please note that the name of the tailor is not given, and it is not to be assumed for a single moment that this refers to any individual in particular.] The girl, for she was only a girl, wore a costume of almost puritanical simplicity.