_The Judge_ (_with determination_). Mr. MEREDITH, the Court is sincerely obliged to you for your extremely valuable evidence. We are unwilling to detain you any longer. Besides, after what you have said, the point is as clear as daylight. Good morning, Mr. MEREDITH, good morning. You may become a trebly cataphractic Invisible. * * * * * THE THINNING OF THE THATCH. [Illustration] Oh, the Autumn leaves are falling, and the days are closing in, And the breeze is growing chilly, and my hair is getting thin! I've a comfortable income--and my age is thirty-three; But my Thatch is thinning quickly--yes, as quickly as can be! I was once a merry urchin--curly-headed I was called, And I laughed at good old people when I saw them going bald; But it's not a proper subject to be lightly joked about, For it's dreadful to discover that your roof is wearing out! I remember asking Uncle--in my innocent surprise-- How he liked his head made use of as a Skating Rink by flies; But although their dread intrusion I shall manfully resist, I'm afraid they'll soon have got another Rink upon their list. When invited to a party I'm invariably late, For I waste the time in efforts to conceal my peeping pate-- Though I coax my hair across it--though I brush away for weeks, Yet I _can't_ prevent it parting and dividing into streaks! I have tried a Hair Restorer, and I've rubbed my head with rum, But the thatch keeps getting thinner, and the new hair doesn't come-- So I gaze into the mirror with a gloomy, vacant stare, For the circle's getting wider of that Open Space up there! People tell me that my spirits I must not allow to fall. And that coming generations won't have any hair at all-- Well--they'll never know an anguish that can adequately match With the pangs of watching day by day the thinning of your Thatch! * * * * * NOTICE.--Rejected communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 101, December 19, 1891, by Various