'Tis the voice of the Lobster, I hear him complain, That hypnotic suggestion is on me again; I was mesmerised once and behold, since that time, I have yielded myself to suggestions of crime: I have compassed the death of an innocent "dab," And attempted to poison an elderly crab. You'll not wonder my tricks give my relatives shocks, And they're holding a meeting just now in the rocks To decide whether I, who was once quite a saint, Should be put, as the doctors say, under restraint. I intend to go there in the midst of a trance. And, may I be boiled, but I'll lead them a dance! It's a terrible thing, when to virtue inclined. That some vile Mesmeriser debauches your mind; When awake I recoil from the things that I've done, Such as scrunching the poor little mussels for fun. In these fetters hypnotic a foe holds me fast, And you'll find that they'll hang me, in seaweed, at last. * * * * * WELCOME, LITTLE STRANGER! [Illustration] Last Friday there appeared a startling paragraph, announcing the first appearance of a New Island. Appropriately, it was on the face of _The Globe_. The intelligence came to us _viâ_ Marseilles. Did it come up to the surface ready furnished for occupation, as in our second National Anthem about "Britons never being slaves" Britain is described as doing? The quotation is:--"When Britain first at Heaven's command, Arose from out the azure main," (or words to that effect), She (the Island) came up with a ready-made charter, and was open to be taken furnished. If this is the case, with the new Island, the sooner some parties "who won't be missed" pack off, bag and baggage, and take possession of the property, the better. It's a chance. "Island to Let. Ready furnished. Quite ready for occupation when thoroughly dry. No Agents need apply. Ground-Swell Landlord, Neptune, C. district." * * * * * [Illustration: THE PASSIONATE SHEPHERD TO HIS LOVE. (_MODERN POLITICAL VERSION, A LONG WAY AFTER MARLOWE._)] "COME LIVE WITH ME, AND BE _MY_ LOVE AND WE WILL ALL THE PLEASURES PROVE THAT LAND REFORM, ALLOTTED FIELD, AND VILLAGE COUNCILS SOON MUST YIELD." And thou shalt sit at ease, and mock The Tory Shepherds of the flock, The Squire and Parson, o'er whose fall The Primrose Dames already squall. And I will give thee cots most cosy, Of structure sound and aspect rosy; True homes, salubrious if not garish, And proper influence in the parish. One-Man-one-Vote, the Ballot, School, And rating on a fairer rule; A Charity less harsh and cold To warm thine heart when thou grow'st old. A chance upon the land to dwell, Free, independent, faring well; And if these pleasures may thee move, Come live with me, and be _my_ love! Though Tory Swains thy vote may crave To keep thee still the Landlord's slave, If freedom's joys thy mind may move, Come live with _me_ and be _my_ love!