Pragmatical pietists, sceptics obtuse Who Progress impede with crude cackle, Predestinate duffers of prattle profuse, Who the biggest world-problems would tackle; State-quacks, shouting Emperors, queer School-Board cranks, We'll give you our best benediction, And speed you at parting with heartiest thanks, If you'll only--"retire into Fiction!" * * * * * [Illustration: EMANCIPATION. _Young Bride of Three Hours' standing_ (_just starting on her Wedding Trip_).--"OH, EDWIN DEAR! HERE'S '_TOM JONES_.' PAPA TOLD ME I WASN'T TO READ IT TILL I WAS MARRIED! THE DAY HAS COME ... AT LAST! BUY IT FOR ME, EDWIN DEAR."] * * * * * ARMING THE AMAZONS. (_MODERN BRUMMAGEM VERSION._) [At the meeting (at Birmingham) of the National Union of Conservative and Constitutional Associations, a resolution in favour of "considering the claims of women to be admitted to the franchise when entitled by ownership or occupation," was carried "by an overwhelming majority, amid loud cheers." Mrs. FAWCETT afterwards said, "What new forces were they (the Conservative Party) prepared to bring against the anarchy, socialism and revolution which were arrayed against them? The granting of women's suffrage would be against the disintegrating power of the other side, as women were everywhere anti-revolutionary forces.... This would add about 800,000 to the electorate. They would be, she believed, middle-aged women of property, than whom she thought they could not assemble more anti-revolutionary forces."] _Trojan Leader loquitur_:-- To arm the Amazons against the Greeks, OVIDIUS hints, proud manhood galls and piques. No doubt; yet NASO did it in his day, And we, in ours, who, sorely-pressed, would stay The rising tide of Revolution, check Disintegration, of the claws who'd peck At our political sleeves and platform hearts Must not be frightened. "Rummiest of starts," The ribald Cockney cries; to see at length, "The Tory seeking to recruit his strength Prom those he dubbed, in earlier, scornfuller mood The crowing hens, the shrieking sisterhood!" Shade of sardonic SMOLLETT, haunt no more St. Stephen's precincts; list not to the roar Of the mad Midland cheers, when FEILDING's plan Of levelling (moneyed) Woman up to Man Wins "Constitutional" support and votes From a "majority" of Tory throats! Mrs. LYNN LINTON, how this vote must vex, That caustic censor of her own sweet sex! Wild Women--_with_ the Suffrage! Fancy that, O fluent Lady, at tart nick-names pat! Girls of the Period? They were bad enough, But what a deal of skimble-skamble stuff Will Mrs. FAWCETT's Middle-aged Ones talk When these eight hundred thousand _hens_ o' the walk Cackle for Order, Purity, and Peace!!!