OUR FINANCIAL COLUMN. _Orl Court, E.C.[2]_ I am preparing a big _coup_, and wish all my friends to be in it. My friends are legion, it is true, but they may depend upon me to do the best for all. Nothing on the gigantic scale I am now preparing has been seen or heard of in the Financial World since the days of the Flood, when NOAH's floating capital weathered the storm. What was the stock worth when Father NOAH once again touched land? Expect the biggest result ever known. I may be sanguine. I have the right to be so. [Illustration] "PONY."--Yes. Buy A. and C.N.B.--Invest big cheque with yours truly. The only safe and profitable investment. "D.A.H."--Don't you do it, or you'll be H.A.D. Send cheques here. Strict account kept, and gains delivered in cash by special messenger. "A HESITATER."--Don't doubt for a moment. Sell everything right off, and invest proceeds by cheque with your friend." "A.S.S."--The Dividend days of the "_Ex-Nihilo-Fit Loan and Insurance Company_ are April 1, up to mid-day, and September 31. So much for some of the principal Correspondents who require an answer in my weekly article. As for myself, I can only say that my motto is, "_Confidentia Illimitata et Nulla Pecunia redditur_." Within the last month the gross earnings of the office on behalf of my clients has been £12,345,678,910 which compares favourably with the previous month. Every penny of this, equal to 50 per cent. profit to every one of my clients, will be distributed within a week with a handsome bonus of twenty-five pounds to everyone sending in his coupon or cheque for fifteen sovereigns by twelve o'clock next Tuesday, after which hour it is impossible for any one, be he who he may, from Kaiser to Chimney-sweeper, to participate in the enormous profit which will have been honestly earned by Yours truly, CROESUS. [Footnote 2: N.B.--Note change of address.] * * * * * SHORTLY TO APPEAR.--_A Morning without Boots_, by the Author of _A Knight without Spurs_. * * * * * POPULAR SONGS RE-SUNG; OR, MISS BOWDLER AT THE MUSIC HALLS. NO. III.--THE SPOOKS IN THE SQUARE. AIR--"_THE GOBLINS IN THE CHURCHYARD_." I went down to the Psychical Society one night, And heard them talk of Spooks and things that filled me with affright. The Psychical Society, as every member boasts, Was founded with the object of investigating Ghosts! Now Ghosts, the modern species, are of very various sorts, For like some plants, as botanists say, they seem to run to "sports." I used to think a spectre _was_ a spectre, but I find The "Psychical" can furnish Spooks of every class and kind. _CHORUS._ [Illustration] Some of the Ghosts are little, some of the Ghosts are big, Some come in the guise of a headless man, and some of a spectre pig. Some of them laugh "Ha! ha!" Some of them wail "Heigho!" And I felt that night in a doose of a fright before it was time to go.