We gave a little dinner; and I own, Led by a wish with style to stamp the _fête_, Palmed off, as though a butler of our own, A skilled Greengrocer we had in "to wait."-- I thought he seemed to sway beneath the fish-- And stagger with a half familiar smile, When, lo! he fell, remarking blandly, "Thish All comes of tryin' to do the thing in shtyle!" I thundered, "Leave the room!" He saw my fix, And but retorted, "'Ere, you ain't a Duke! I'm not a-goin' without my three-and-six!" Thus came on me that Greengrocer's Rebuke! That banquet was our last. No more we "dined," In, now and then, perchance a friend might drop. It is our boast that he will ever find At least the welcome of a homely chop. Some day, perhaps, when I have made my pile, And can from ostentatious show refrain, Without the Greengrocer to purchase "style," I possibly once more may entertain! And so,--I know not how it came about, But if by chance, it is a happy fluke That I at length without the slightest doubt Have lived to bless that Greengrocer's Rebuke! * * * * * QUELCHING QUELCH.--Mr. QUELCH, before the Labour Commission, is said to have expressed his opinion that "the liberty to combine should not involve the liberty not to combine." Doesn't Mr. QUELCH see, that without "liberty not to combine" there _cannot_ be any "liberty to combine." For if a man is not at liberty to abstain from combination, it is obvious that he is compelled to combine; and compulsion is hardly liberty. Freedom lies in choice, and Mr. QUELCH would leave the workman none. * * * * * A MASK ON A MASK. [A face-mask, the latest addition to the toilet, worn during the hours of sleep, is designed to remove wrinkles.] Wear masks at night? Nay, when I saw your face, Old but unwrinkled, topped with sunny ringlets, Dear Lady OLDGARDE, while you made the pace, And flitted like a fairy borne on winglets From boy to boy, and flirted here and there With that unchanging smile of rouged enamel, I thought, "Since you are rich beyond compare, And since the needle's eye doth bar the camel, 'Tis right perhaps that wealth should purchase youth, And peaceful age become a ceaseless playtime; Still, if you'd wear _two_ masks to hide the truth, Oh, wear this last one always _in the daytime_." * * * * * NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 101, July 11, 1891, by Various