Called at native barber's to-day. Gave him no instructions. Thought of course he was going to cut it; and so fell asleep. I almost always fall asleep when under the mesmeric influence of a capillary administrator. I should like him to keep on doing it; cut and comb again. So soothing! Woke up and found myself--like this. (_See Hair Cut._) Herewith please receive portrait, and treasure it. ARMA VIRUMQUE. Must send you a sketch of some of our B.B.B.'s or the Bold Bobbies of Basuto all armed. Ha! ha! as dear old WOLFFY would have said, "I was quite _all-armed_ at seeing this!" Hope to be on the track of TOM TIDDLER's ground very soon. But anyhow till I am _sur la tache_, "on the spot," any one of these letters of mine (emphasis on the "mine") of which all are genuine--"proofs before letters" you have in my signed promise--is well worth a hundred pounds, and cheap at the price. It's my note of hand in exchange for the cash,--for the "ready ay ready!" as we say at sea. Away to the fields of gold! PROSPECTING POSSIBILITIES. N.B.--Rather think I am going to call on Queen ZAMBILI this afternoon. Ahem! Do you remember the ballads of "_My heart is true to Poll_," and "_The King of the Owyhees_"? Again, ahem! "Black Queen to mate in three moves." Of course, can't go in for this sort of thing myself, but by deputy, eh? Representative Government and King PROXY THE FIRST, with myself for Prime Minister. How's that Empire? [Illustration: "Grandolph, the Explorer."] * * * * * FROM OUR OWN BEN TROVATO.--Said an artistic collector to Mr. PARNELL, "Now I'll show you a beautiful specimen of CARLO DOLCI." "I wish you could have shown it me some days ago," replied the Ex-misleader of the Irish Party, "when I was presented with a specimen of _Carlow_ without the _Dolci_." * * * * * COOK'S TOURIST PRIZE JUBILEE JOKE.--_Mem. for Travellers contemplating a first visit to the Continent_.--Being raw to the business, get Cook'd. Depend upon it, you won't be "done." * * * * * "THE HUNDRED BEST BOOKS."--_Punch's_ Half-Yearly Volumes from the commencement, i.e., July 17, 1841, to June 27, 1891. * * * * * [Illustration: SOCIAL AGONIES. _Fair Visitor_ (_to Hostess_). "WHAT A DELIGHTFUL CONCERT YOU GAVE US LAST WEDNESDAY, DEAR MRS. JONES! SUCH LOVELY MUSIC!--SUCH SMART PEOPLE! EVERYBODY ONE KNOWS, YOU KNOW!" [_Mrs. Jones's Aunt Tabitha (from whom she has great expectations) hears of this delightful Concert for the first time!_]] * * * * * "GOOD-BYE, GRANDMAMMA!" (_A LONG WAY AFTER "CHILDE HAROLD_.") Adieu, adieu. Old Albion's shore! I leave, to bound the blue. My Yacht lies yonder! 'Tis a bore, But I _must_ part from you. I sniff the brine, I love the sea; Half Englishman am I. Farewell to England, and to thee, Dear Grandmamma--good-bye!