Take that old aneroid away, A new barometer we'll try; With hope for haply one fine day-- In wet July. * * * * * BEATING THE RECORD.--Mrs. MALAPROP's "Cerberus, as three single gentlemen rolled into one," was "not in it" last week with H.R.H. the Prince of WALES, who, in the course of the Royal Entertainments given to our Imperial Cousin-German, appeared as "a host of illustrious personages." An admirable performance. * * * * * A NURSERY ECHO FROM CARLOW. PARNELL put the KETTLE on, TIM HEALY came it rather strong, HAMMOND was the people's man, And he's now M.P. * * * * * [Illustration: IN DESPERATE STRAITS. _Jones_ (_Blue Ribbon--to abstemious Lady he has taken in to dinner_). "LOOK HERE, MADAM, WE DON'T SEEM TO BE GETTING ON A _BIT_! EITHER YOU MUST HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE, OR, BY JOVE, _I_ MUST!!"] * * * * * ALICE IN THUNDERLAND. _Alice_ ... The TH-ND-R-R. _White Queen_ ... H-RC-RT. _Red Queen_ ... CH-MB-RL-N. "I'll tell you what it is, your Majesty," said ALICE in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of scolding the White Queen), "it'll never do to swagger about all over the place like that! Dignitaries have to be dignified, you know!" Everything was happening so oddly (since Thunderland had turned against Blunderland) that she didn't feel a bit surprised at finding the Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side. But she found it rather difficult to be quite civil to them--especially the White Queen, who had once been rather a favourite with her, but at whom she now never lost an opportunity of girding. "Always speak the truth," said the Red Queen (cocking her nose at the White)--"think before you speak--and _write it down afterwards_. It's safest, if you're dealing with _some_ persons." "That's just what I complain of," said the White Queen, loftily. "You couldn't tell the truth--about that Table--if you tried with both hands." "I don't tell the truth with my _hands_," the Red Queen objected, icily. "Nobody said you did," said the White Queen. "Nobody said you told it _anyhow_. I said you couldn't if you tried. And you _don't_ try either. So _there_!" "She's in that state of mind," said the Red Queen, "that she wants to deny _something_--only she doesn't know what to deny!" "A nasty vicious temper," the White Queen remarked; and then there was an uncomfortable silence for a month or two. The White Queen broke the silence by saying to the Red Queen, "I invite you to ALICE's Party--which _used_ to be neutral ground--to explain, if you _can_, that nondescript nonsense of yours about National Councils as a substitute for Home Rule." The Red Queen smiled sourly, and said, "And I invite _you_"