["There is a disposition just now to revive discussion upon a very old subject, namely the curative influence of Music in cases of mental and bodily disease."--_Daily Telegraph_.] Curative Music? Just as well expect An Influenza-cure from Demogorgon! Some dolts there be, no doubt, who would detect Anodyne influence in a barrel-organ; A febrifuge in a flat German Band, A prophylactic in a street-piano! Some quackery a man _can_ understand, But Music I'll _not_ take, even _cum grano_. I don't believe what classic noodles say, That Music stopped the hæmorrhage of ULYSSES; That CATO'S stiffened joints attained free play From harmony of sounds. Such "rot" sense hisses. I'd just as soon believe the Theban walls Were twangled into place by young Amphion. Bah! Minds made sane by Music's scrapes and squalls? Not _mine_, though the lyre-thrumber were Arion. Drums, trumpets, fiddles, organs--_all_ are bad. And vocal fireworks are far worse than vanity. Stop, though! _I_'m sane, and they just drive me mad; So Music _may_ drive _idiots_ into sanity! * * * * * [Illustration: AT A SMOKING CONCERT. _Distinguished Amateur_ (_with good Method but small Voice, suddenly jumping up from Piano_). "LOOK HERE, ALGY. I DO CALL IT BEASTLY BAD FORM FOR YOU AND SIKES TO TALK WHEN I'M SINGING!" _Algy_. "ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN--AWFULLY SORRY--DIDN'T KNOW YOU _WERE_ SINGING, YOU KNOW!"] * * * * * ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT. EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P. _House of Commons, Tuesday, June 23_, 12'15 A.M.--House just adjourned; a little dazed by shock of narrow escape from grievous danger. Been at it through greater part of night debating Second Reading of Education Bill. JULIUS 'ANNIBAL PICTON led off with speech of fiery eloquence. The SQUIRE of MALWOOD declares he never listens to J.A.P. without an odd feeling that there have been misfits. Both his voice and his gestures are, he says, too large for him. But that, as ALGERNON BORTHWICK shrewdly points out, is professional jealousy supervening on the arrogance of excessive stature. The SQUIRE, though not lacking in moods of generosity, cannot abear a rival in the oratorical field. Had things turned out differently to-night, he might have enjoyed the advantage of addressing House at this favourable hour, whilst its withers were yet unwrung. [Illustration: Sir Algernon.] But JULIUS 'ANNIBAL has not studied his great ancestor's strategy for nothing. As soon as Second Reading of Education Bill appeared on the paper, he romped in, and put down Amendment. Needn't move it; didn't mean to move it; doesn't move it; but he gets first place in principal Debate of Session, and shows himself worthy of it by the luminous argument and almost passionate eloquence of his oration.