"WELLS, I NEVER!"--"Mr. WELLS," says the _Times_ Correspondent, "has made 250,000 francs" (up to now), and "last year he made £20,000." Talk of the waters at various drinking or health-resorts abroad, why, their fame is as nothing compared with the unprecedented success of the WELLS of Monte Carlo. How the other chaps who lose must be like LEECH'S old gent "a cussin' and a swearin' like hanythink." So the two extremes at Monte Carlo may be expressed by the name of a well-known shopkeeping London firm, i.e., SWEARS AND WELLS. * * * * * [Illustration: ON TOUR. MR. PUNCH AT THE POTTERIES.] * * * * * NOTHING LIKE LABOR. (_A Pleasant Prospect suggested by the evidence taken before the Royal Commission_.) And so the Un-employed rose from the ditch in which he had passed the night, and made for the town. It was early morning, and he thought he could possibly get something to do at the baker's. "Want to work?" cried the foreman. "Why, my good fellow, it is all over for the next two days. The trade only allows four hours, so we begin at eight on one night, and carry it on until four on the following morning. People get their loaves a little stale, but old bread is said to be good for the digestion!" So the Unemployed went on until he came to a half-built house. The workmen had left, but there was still a watchman on the premises. "Want to work! Why _what_ are you thinking about! Why, our trade only allows two hours a day, so we build a house by laying foundation-stones. It is rather slow, but very sure." So the starving man continued his journey. He was unsuccessful at every trade centre. One industry allowed its members to work only for three hours a day, another two, a third four, and so on. There was only one exception to the rule, and this (so the doctor thinks) was caused by necessity. The undertakers were fully employed twelve hours out of the twenty-four. Even the public-houses were closed at noon. The workhouses and casual wards were never empty. But being of a sanguine temperament, the Unemployed cheered his drooping spirits by murmuring, "Better luck to-morrow!" Then he retired to his rather damp quarters in the country ditch! * * * * * Literary Intelligence. _Airy opening of article by_ Mr. GINLEY SCORCHSAM, _a rising young author_. "Asked by Editor of _Magazin des Louvres_ to let him have a paper on Art as Applied to Drapery----" _Note by the Agonised Editor_ (_who has been struggling with MS. for several hours_). "And he _did_ let me have it, with a vengeance!" * * * * * [Illustration: A SCENE AT THE "LUCULLUS." _Mrs. Blunderby_. "Now, MY DEAR MONTY, LET ME ORDER THE LUNCHEON AR-LA-FRAINGSY. GASSONG! I WISH TO BEGIN--AS WE ALWAYS DO IN PARIS, MY DEARS--WITH SOME _CHEF-D'OEUVRES_--YOU UNDERSTAND--SOME _CHEF-D'OEUVRES."_