Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, November 7, 1891
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
SIR,--You have asked me to devote some of my spare time to the
enlightenment of your readers on matters connected with the
money-markets of the world. The request is an easy one to make. You
talk of spare time, as if the man who controlled millions of money,
and could _at any moment_ put all the Directors of the Bank of England
in his waistcoat pocket, had absolutely nothing to do except to devote
himself to the affairs of other people. Such a man has no leisure.
When he is not engaged in launching loans, or in admitting to an
audience the Prime Ministers of peoples rightly struggling to free
themselves from debt by adding largely to their public liabilities,
when, I say, he is not thusly or otherwisely engaged, his mind must
still busy itself with the details of all the immense concerns over
which he, more or less, presides. However, I am willing to make an
exception in your case, and to impart to you the ripe fruits of an
experience which has no parallel in any country of the habitable
globe. Without, therefore, cutting any more time to waste, I begin.
[Illustration]
(1.) _Mines_.--There can be no doubt that in this department a largely
increased activity may soon be expected. I am aware that in "Shafts"
there has been a downward tendency; but I am assured by the Secretary
of the "Dodjâ Plant Co." (19½, 6/8, 54·2½, 7/8), that the prospects
of this branch of investment were never more brilliant. The latest
report of the Mining Expert sent out to investigate this mine, runs
as follows:--
"I have now been three days in the interior of the Dodjâ Plant. I can
confidently state that I found no water, though there was evidence of
large deposits of salt, which could be worked at an immense profit.
The gold is abundant. I have crushed ten tons of quartz _with my own
hands_, and found the yield in florins extraordinary. The natives
guard the mouth of the mine. Please relieve promptly. My assistant
became a Salmi yesterday."
There is some obscurity (intentional, of course) in the last
few words. I may, therefore, state that a Salmi is one of the
most important native bankers. The profession is only open to
millionnaires. I therefore say, emphatically, buy Dodjâs.
(2.) _The Carbon Diamond Fields_.--The latest quotations are 14-5/8 to
the dozen, with irregular falls. Carbon Prefs. unaltered. Trusts firm.
This is a good investment for a poor man. In fact there could not be
a better. No necessity to deal through an ordinary stockbroker. Wire
"CROESUS, City." That will find me, and by return you shall have
address of banker, to whom first deposit for cover must be immediately
paid.
(3.) _Italian Cattivas_ quieter. A Correspondent asks--"What do you
recommend a man who has laid by £20 to do in order to hold £1,000 at
the end of a month?" I say at once, Try Cattivas (19-2/5 Def.; Deb.
Stk. 14--15). Wire "CROESUS, City."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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