_Miss T._ Why, I reckoned _Uncle Remus_ was pretty most everybody's relation by now. He's a book. But likely you've no use for our national humorous literature? _Culch._ I--er--must confess I seldom waste time over the humorous literature of _any_ nation. _Miss T._ I guess that accounts for your gaiety! There, don't you mind _me_, Mr. CULCHARD. But suppose we hurry along and inspect this panorama they talk so much of; it isn't going to be any sideshow. It's just a real representative mass-meeting of Swiss mountains, with every prominent peak in the country on the platform, and a deputation down below from the leading Italian lakes. It's ever so elegant,--and there's Poppa around on the top too. _ON THE TOP. TOURISTS DISCOVERED MAKING MORE OR LESS APPROPRIATE REMARKS._ _First Tourist_ (_struggling with a long printed panorama, which flaps like a sail_). Grand view, Sir, get 'em all from here, you see! Monte Rosa, Matterhorn, Breithorn-- [_Works through them all conscientiously, until, much to everybody's relief, his panorama escapes into space._ _Second T._ (_a lady, with the air of a person making a discovery_). How wonderfully small everything looks down below! _Third T._ (_a British Matron, with a talent for incongruity_). Yes, dear, very--_quite_ worth coming all this way for, but as I was telling you, we've always been accustomed to such an evangelical service, so that our new Rector is really _rather_--but we're quite _friendly_ of course; go there for tennis, and he dines with us, and all that. Still, I _do_ think, when it comes to having lighted candles in broad daylight--(&c., &c.) _Fourth T._ (_an equally incongruous American_). Wa'al, yes, they show up well, cert'nly, those peaks do. But I was about to remark. Sir, I went to that particular establishment on Fleet Street. I called for a chop. And when it came, I don't deny I felt disappointed, for the plate all around was just as _dry_--! But the moment I struck a fork into that chop, Sir,--well, the way the gravy just came _gushing_ out was--there, it ain't no use me trying to put it in words! But from that instant, Sir, I kinder realised the peculiar charm of your British chop. _Fifth T._ (_a discontented Teuton_). I exbected more as zis. It is nod glear enough--nod at all. Zey dolt me from ze dop you see Milan. I look all aroundt. Novere I see Milan! And I lief my obera-glass behint me in ze drain, and I slib on ze grass and sbrain my mittle finger, and altogedder I do not vish I had com. _Miss T._ (_presenting CULCHARD to Mr. CYRUS K.T._). I guess you've met _this_ gentleman before!