They brought that friendly action, and the clever counsel tried To prove to FAUDELL PHILLIPS that the law was on his side. But the oyster-dealer found the law for him was one too many, So he had to pay the piper--to be quite exact, a penny. And you who love your oyster in the latter end of May, In June, July, and August, too, will sadly rue the day, For philanthropic folk will find it unremunerative To introduce in summer-time this Franco-English native.[1] [Footnote 1: Oysters are to be six shillings a dozen this winter!! How many of the ordinarily careless will now be compelled to go by RULES without going in for Oysters. N.B.--"Action" in these verses is poetic license for "summons."] * * * * * "SAVE ME FROM MY FRIENDS!" SCENE--_A Place of Meeting. Enter Parliamentary Leader and his Subordinate. They greet one another effusively._ _Leader_ (_cordially_). And now, my dear fellow, how are my interests? _Sub._ (_with much heartiness_). Getting on capitally! Just been writing to all the papers to say that it is stupid to call you "Old Dot-and-go-one," because it is inapplicable to either your age or your mode of controversy. _Lead._ (_with a feeble smile_). That _was_ kind of you! But who had said it? _Sub._ (_airily_). Oh, someone of about fourth-rate importance! and it had been quite forgotten you know. So I dragged it up again, and put it all right for you. _Lead._ (_shaking hands_). Thanks, so very much. But if persons had forgotten it, why revert to it? _Sub._ Oh, don't you see? Why, the point is, you are not a bit like it-not a scrap like it! Next week I shall write and say that it's rubbish to call you a turncoat, because you have always been consistent. _Lead._ (_anxiously_). But _is_ anybody calling me a turncoat? _Sub._ Not that I know of, but they might, don't you see. So it's as well to be on the safe side. I shall say that, if any one _did_ call you a turncoat, that the speaker would prove himself a liar! That ought to give you a leg up, oughtn't it? _Lead._ (_with some hesitation_). My dear friend, you are _most_ kind; but if you don't mind, I would be so immensely obliged if you would leave my interests alone. _Sub._ (_with great cordiality_). What, leave your interests alone! Never! You may be always sure of _my_ hearty support! _Lead._ (_earnestly_). But as a personal matter, I must beg of you kindly to leave me alone. _Sub._ (_reluctantly_). Well, of course, if you make it a personal matter, I must consent. But the Party will suffer. _Lead._ (_dryly_). Possibly--from your point of view. [_Exeunt._ * * * * * JAWFUL NEWS!--_The Diminution of the Jaw in the Civilised Races_ is the title of a pamphlet by Mr. F. HOWARD COLLINS. We haven't read it; but if it be in favour of the diminution of "jaw," we heartily recommend its study to all Members of Parliament, actual or intending, and to all post-prandial speechmakers generally.