PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 101. October 17, 1891. THE AUTOMATIC PHYSIOGNOMIST. SCENE--_The German Exhibition, near an ingenious machine constructed to reveal the character and future of a person according to the colour of his or her hair, for the small consideration of one penny. A party of Pleasure-seekers are examining it._ _First Pleasure-seeker_ (_a sprightly young lady of the name of LOTTIE_). "Put in a penny and get a summary of your character from the colour of your 'air." I wonder what they'll 'ave _next_! _Second Pl.-s._ (_her admirer, a porridge-faced young man with pink eyelids and faming hair, addressed as 'ECTOR by his intimates_). Ah, it's surprising how far they've got, it reelly is. And beginning with butter-scotch, too! _Aunt Maria_. Come on, do--you don't want to waste no more time over that rubbidge! _Fourth Pl.-s._ (_a lanky youth, with pale hair and a receding chin, to his fiancée_). Hadn't we better be making a move if we're going to 'ear the band, CARRIE? _Carrie_. I shall move on when I _like_, without your leave, FREDDY; so make no mistake. _Freddy_. Oh, _I_'m in no 'urry. I only thought your Aunt was getting--but don't mind me. [CARRIE _does not mind him._ _Dolph_. (_the funny man of the party_). 'Old on a bit! I've got some coppers. I'm going to sample this concern. I'll put in for all of you--it's _my_ treat, this is. We'll begin with Aunt MARIA. What colour do you call _your_ 'air now? I don't see any slot marked "cawfy-colour." _Aunt Maria_. Never _you_ mind what colour my 'air is--it's a pity you can't find a better use for your pennies. _Dolph_. (_inserting a penny in a slot marked "Light Brown"_). 'Ere goes, the oracle's working. (_The machine emits a coloured card._) Listen to what it says about Aunt MARIA. She is--"tender-'arted." Jest what I've always said of her! "A little 'asty in her temper"--'ullo, must be a 'itch in the machinery, _there_!--"neither obstinate nor 'aughty"--(_A snort from Aunt MARIA at this_)--"her inclination to love never unreasonable." 'Ow _like_ her! "Frolicsome, inclined to flirt and sometimes mischievous." You _giddy_ little thing! Up to all your little tricks, this machine is! "Fertile in imagination, domesticated, thoughtful and persevering"--There's Aunt MARIA for yer! _General Chorus_. Good old Aunt MARIA! _Dolph_. There's a prophecy on blue paper from _Napoleon's Book of Fate_, gratis. (_Reads._) "Thy 'oroscope forewarns thee of a loss if thou lendest thy money." Just when I was going to borrow arf-a-crown off of her too! _Aunt Maria_. Ah, I didn't want no machine for _that_. 'Ow you can patronise such rubbidge, _I_ don't know! Tellin' characters by the colour of your 'air, indeed--it's told _mine_ all wrong, anyhow! _Dolph_. Well, you see, your 'air's so natural it would deceive _any_ machine! [_Movement on part of Aunt MARIA._ _Lottie_. Put in for 'ECTOR next, DOLPH, do. I want to hear what it says about him.