_Grattez le Russe--et cetera_. You are mighty fond, J.B., Of quoting that stale epigram. You fancy it riles me. Not a bit of it, my Briton; Tartars have a thickish skin, And your foe and I are neighbours, nay a distant sort of kin. The Mantchus and the Romanoffs are not exactly chums, And a Tartar insurrection, when that little trouble comes, As it may do if you press too much at Pekin, well, who knows? There is always something pleasing in the quarrels of one's foes. The Mantchus miss a many of once subject Tartar tribes Who have--gravitated Russwards. Little call for blows or bribes To make blood-relations mingle. On the Mantchus this may jar, But we've not forgotten Kuldja, and we recollect Kashgar. Wheels within wheels, dear JOHNNY! As to missionaries, well, They are troublesome--and useful; but to put things all pell-mell On account of priests and parsons, and of quite an alien creed, That's scarce "diplomatic," JOHNNY; it is not, dear boy, indeed. A new Tamerlane, my JOHNNY, who could stir the Tartar hordes To--say "Asiatic Concert,"--well, you know that thought affords To your talky "Only General" a quite sensational theme. But prophecy's not "business," JOHN, and CÆSAR should not dream. Oh! the world is full of Bogies. _I_'m the biggest of them all In the minds of many croakers who ne'er saw the Chinese Wall, But are frightened at the spreading of my kindred--on the map; For I'm semi-Asiatic, and half Tartar, dear old chap. Now put this and that together, think of Pamir, Turkestan, Of Persia, of the Dardanelles!--I think you'll see, old man, That though this ramping Dragon _you_ may wish to tie and tame, A Benevolent Neutrality is rather more _my_ game. * * * * * A PLAYGOER'S "LAST WORD." (_AN ECHO FROM THE PIT._) The Season is--_has_ been for some time--silly, And lengthy correspondences are rife. We have, alas! to read them willy-nilly; They take a deal of pleasure out of life. To flee such evils here's an easy way-- Let morning dailies idly rant or vapour, At the Lyceum go and see the play, The programme there's the finest DALY paper.[2] [Footnote 2: A Correspondent, signing himself "A Knight of the Free Lists," suggests that free admissions to the Lyceum should be known, during the American Company's season, as "The Best Daly 'Paper.'"] * * * * * MOTTO FOR A DEPRESSED TEETOTALLER.--"Whine and Water." * * * * * [Illustration: FAMILY TIES. JOHN BULL. "AIN'T YOU GOING TO LEND A HAND?" RUSSIA. "WELL, I DON'T KNOW;--YOU SEE HE'S A SORT OF RELATION OF MINE!!"] * * * * * TIPPLING SALLY. _A SONG OF SORROW ON ZOO SUNDAY._ [SALLY, the Chimpanzee (late of the Zoo), is stated to have "drunk beer daily."]