Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 17, 1891Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 17, 1891
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
_Dolph_. "Not given to rambling,"--Except in his 'ed,--"very moderate
in his amorous wishes, his mind much given to reflection, inclined to
be 'asty-tempered, and, when aroused,"--'Ere, somebody, rouse FREDDY,
quick!--"to use adjectives." Mustn't use 'em _'ere_, FREDDY! "But if
reasonably dealt with, is soon appeased." Pat his 'ed, CARRIE, will
yer? "Has plenty of bantering humour." (_Here FREDDY grins feebly._)
Don't he _look_ it too! "Should study his diet." That means his
grub, and he works 'ard enough at that! "He has a combination of good
commercial talents, which, if directed according to the reflection
of the sentiments, will make him tolerably well off in this world's
goods."
_Carrie_ (_puzzled_). What's it torking about _now_?
_Dolph_. Oh, it on'y means he's likely to do well in the cat's-meat
line. Now for your fortune, FREDDY. "It will be through marriage that
your future will be brightened."
_Carrie_ (_pleased_). Lor, FREDDY, think o' that!
_Dolph_. Think _twice_ of it, FREDDY, my boy. Now we'll be off and get
a drink.
_Carrie_. Wait. We haven't got _your_ character yet, Mr. GAGGS!
_Dolph_. Oh, mine--they couldn't give that for a penny. Too good, yer
know!
_Carrie_. If they haven't got it, it's more likely they're afraid it
would break the machine. I'm going to put in for you under "Black."
(_She does._) Here we are. (_Reads._) "The gentleman will be much
given to liquor." Found out first time, you see, Mr. GAGGS!
_Dolph_. (_annoyed_). Come, no personalities now. Drop all that!
_Carrie_. "Somewhat quarrelsome and of an unsettled temper; more
decorous and less attentive in his undertakings, and consequently
meets with many disappointments. Such gentlemen"--now you listen to
this, Mr. GAGGS!--"will now know their weaknesses, which should induce
them to take steps to improve themselves." (_"'Ear, 'ear!" from the
rest of the party._) "Knowledge is power, and enables us to overcome
many obstacles we otherwise should have fallen prey to." This is your
fortune. "Thou art warned to be careful what thou drinkest!" Well,
they do seem to _know_ you, I must say!
_Dolph_. (_in a white rage_). I tell you what it is, Miss CARRIE
BICKERTON, you appear to me to be turning a 'armless joke into a
mejium for making nasty spiteful insinuations, and I, for one, am not
going to put up with it, whatever others may! So, not being partial
to being turned into redicule and made to look a fool in company, I'll
leave you to spend the rest of the evening by yourselves, and wish you
a very good-night!
[_He turns majestically upon his heel and leaves the party
stupefied._
_'Ector_. (_with mild regret_). It do seem a pity though, so pleasant
as we were together, till this come up!
_Freddy_. And CARRIE's Aunt MARIA. gone off in a tantrum, too. We
shall have a job to find _'er_ now!
_Lottie and Carrie_. Oh, _do_ hold your tongues, both of you. You and
your automatic machines!
_'Ector and Freddy_. _Our_ automatic machines! Why, we never--
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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