PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 101. October 3rd, 1891. THE TRAVELLING COMPANIONS. No. IX. SCENE--_The Burg Terrace at Nuremberg_. PODBURY _on a bench, grappling with the Epitome of_ SPENCER. _Podbury_ (_reading aloud, with comments_). "For really to conceive the infinite divisibility of matter is mentally to follow out the divisions to infinity, and to do this would require infinite time." You're right _there_, old cock, and, as I haven't got it to spare, I won't trouble you!--um--um ... "opposite absurdities"--"subjective modifications" ... "ultimate scientific ideas, then, are all representative of ideas that cannot be comprehended." I could have told _him_ that. What bally rot this Philosophy is--but I suppose I must peg away at it. Didn't she say she was sorry I didn't go in more for cultivating my mind? (_He looks up._) Jove, here she comes! and yes, there's that beggar CULCHARD with her! I thought he'd--how the dickens did he manage to--? I see what _he's_ after--thinks he'll cut me out--twice over--but he shan't this time, if I can help it! _Culchard_ (_to_ Miss HYPATIA PRENDERGAST). No, the Modern Spirit is too earnestly intent upon solving the problems of existence to tolerate humour in its literature. Humour has served a certain purpose in its day, but that day is done, and I for one cannot pretend to regret its decay. _Miss H. P._ Nor I. In fact, the only humour I ever _really_ appreciated is that of the ancient classics. There has been no true fun since ARISTOPHANES died. At least, _I_ think not. _Podb._ (_catching the last sentence_). Oh, I say, come, Miss PRENDERGAST. Have you ever read "The Jumping Frog"? _Miss P._ I was under the impression that _all_ frogs jumped. But I never read--I--ah--_study_. _Podb._ (_declining to be crushed_). Well, I call MARK TWAIN funny anyhow. But _I'm_ going in for study now. I am--honour bright! I'm swotting up SPENCER--look! [_He exhibits the volume proudly._ _Miss P._ And are you not enchanted by the logical lucidity of that great thinker? _Podb._ Um--I should be more enchanted if I ever had the faintest notion what the great thinker was driving at. Look here--here's a simple little sentence for you! _(Reads.)_ "Let us therefore bear in mind the following:--That of the whole incident force affecting an aggregate, the effective force is that which remains after deducting the non-effective, that the temporarily effective and the permanently effective vary inversely, and that the molar and molecular changes wrought by the permanently effective force also vary inversely." (_With pathos._) And that's only in an _Epitome_, mind you! _Miss P._ Really, Mr. PODBURY, I see nothing particularly incomprehensible in that. _Culch._ (_with his superior smile_). My dear PODBURY, you can hardly expect to master the Spencerian phraseology and habit of thought without at least _some_ preliminary mental discipline!