_Touch._ He, Sir, that must marry the woman. Therefore, you Tory, abandon--which is, in the vulgar, leave--the society, which in the boorish is, company--of this female,--which in the common is, woman; which together is, abandon the society of this female, or Tory, thou vanishest; or, to thy better understanding, skedaddlest; or, to wit, I defeat thee, make thee away, translate thy majority into minority, thine Office into Opposition; I will deal in programmes with thee, or in eloquence, or in epigram; I will bandy with thee in faction; I will o'errun thee with policy; I will "mend thee or end thee" a hundred and fifty ways; therefore, tremble, and depart! SONG (_behind_). It was a lover and his lass, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, That o'er the stubble fields did pass (Together WILL caught 'em). In the time of autumn, When M.P.'s spout, and "manoeuvre" about; M.P.'s (who are "out") love autumn. About three acres and a cow, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino; The artful country folks know now. In the time of autumn, &c. Since that the franchise was their dower, With a hey, and a ho, and a hey nonino, The Country Voters are a power. In the time of autumn, &c. And, therefore, at the present time, With "an Agricultural Policy"--funny, ho!-- _Both_ Parties simple HODGE would lime, In the time of autumn, &c. _Will._ (_aside_). Truly, though there is no great matter in the ditty, yet the note is very untuneable. [_Exit._ _Touch._ Trip, AUDREY, trip, AUDREY,--I attend,--I attend! [_Exeunt._ _Jaq._ (_appearing_). There is surely another political deluge forward, and these motley would-be couples are seeking the official ark! [_Exit._ * * * * * [Illustration: _William_.... SIR M-CH-L H-CKS-B-CH. _Touchstone_.... J-HN M-RL-Y. _Audrey_....THE AGRICULTURAL VOTE. "AS _HE_'D LIKE IT." SCENE--_The Forest of Ha(w)arden._ TOUCHSTONE. "I AM HE THAT MUST MARRY THIS WOMAN! THEREFORE, YOU CLOWN, ABANDON THE SOCIETY OF THIS FEMALE;.... I WILL BANDY WITH THEE IN FACTION; I WILL O'ERRUN THEE WITH POLICY; THEREFORE. TREMBLE, AND DEPART!"--_As You Like It_, Act V., Scene 1.] * * * * * THE TRUE TENNYSON. We have all been startled to find from the researches of Mr. WOODALL in _Notes and Queries_, that "Between the story sung by the Poet Laureate in his romantic poem _The Lord of Burleigh_, and the actual fact, there seems to be little in common." HENRY CECIL, Earl and afterwards Marquis of EXETER, married Miss SARAH HOGGINS under the name of JOHN JONES, having a wife alive at the time, and she did not die as the poem relates. It is obvious then that TENNYSON must be re-written, and we offer his Lordship the following humble suggestions. _The Lord of Burleigh_ should henceforward run somewhat as follows:--