Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! SALLIE and BILL your calm beauty could thrill; Two lovely brown eyes! Art (so I argue) for all is best, Here, in the East, on the Day of Rest, Lo! my pet theory put to the test! Oh, what a surprise! The chap staring there is a Coster true, Trowsered in corduroy, belchered in blue; What does _he_ think of your heavenly hue, Two lovely brown eyes? _Chorus._ Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! "SALLIE", he whispered, "_she's_ got, like _you_, Two lovely brown eyes!" The picture was one of BURNE-JONES'S best; "SALLIE" was snub-nosed and showily drest; I sought her visage in querulous quest, When oh, what a surprise! Plump in the midst of a "puddingy" face, Coarse-cut in feature, devoid of grace, Nature capricious had chosen to place Two lovely brown eyes! _Chorus._ Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! There on each side of a salient "snub," Two lovely brown eyes: Brown? Ah, yes! But, alack! alack! The brown was fringed with a halo of _black_, Fruit, it was plain of some marital thwack, Oh, what a surprise! "_She_," sighed the girl, "has a beautiful chump, Though she _do_ seem to 'ave got the 'ump. _Them_ pair o' lamps never felt a thump, _Them_ lovely brown eyes!" _Chorus._ Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! Something seemed telling that man he was wrong, Two lovely brown eyes! Say, was it fancy? I saw a flush O'er the coarse cheeks of that Coster rush, "Stash it!" he murmured. A Coster blush? Oh, what a surprise! SALLIE,--she clung to his muscular arm-- With a look half lovingness, half alarm, He stooped and--kissed her! Now, was it _your_ charm, Two lovely brown eyes? _Chorus._ Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! Was it your influence, gentle yet strong, Two lovely brown eyes? "BILL," whispered she, "you may bet two _d She_ never nagged at 'er bloke--like _me_-- He never wheeled a whelk-barrer, d'yer see? Oh, what a surprise! Parties with cultcher and piles o'cash Ain't no temptation to row or bash, But--who's to tell but she's jilted '_er_ mash-- Miss Lovely Brown Heyes?" _Chorus._ Two lovely brown eyes! Oh, what a surprise! Twinkled like stars 'twixt a tear and a frown, Two lovely brown eyes. The moral you've caught I can hardly doubt; On Art _versus_ Morals men sneer or shout, Leave it to OSCAR to fight _that_ out, If you would be wise. Better, far better, it is to let Beautiful things work their way--you bet! Then the Coster's wife may less frequently wet _Her_ lovely brown eyes. _Chorus._