Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 3, 1891Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 101, October 3, 1891
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
Another circumstance that strikes me as remarkable, is the frequency with
which I hear the Impressive Clerk (in the little room next to mine)
requesting persons who have called to "settle up that other little matter."
Then the strange voice laughs, and says--"Oh, your Governor can wait." "No,
he can't,"--it's the Clerk who says this--"it's been going on for three
years, now." "Well," chimes in the unknown, "let it go a bit longer.
When'll your Governor have settled those pleadings?" "When your people
settle about the five guineas, and not before," replies the Impressive
Clerk in his best Parliamentary debating style. Then follows a long
wrangle, not on law, but on finance, which never--as far as I can
judge--ends in the Clerk getting his way, and his money.
[Illustration: "Looks like a Prime Minister in reduced circumstances."]
Astonishing event happens. A real live new brief comes in! Impressive
Clerk--who looks like a Prime Minister in reduced circumstances--brings it
to FIBBINS when I am in the room. More impressive than ever. "From ROGERS,
in Chancery Lane--an excellent firm, Sir," he says. Poor FIBBINS tries,
ineffectually, to conceal his delight, and his eye turns instinctively to
the place where the fee is marked.
"Six guas" (legal slang for guineas) "for an Opinion, not bad," he
comments, rubbing his hands. FIBBINS dusts a corner of his desk, and lays
it down there.
_I_ am given this precious brief, and am asked to write a "draft Opinion"
about it! "Just to try your hand," says FIBBINS, who does not wish me to be
conceited. "Then I'll write my own afterwards," he adds.
I make a very elaborate commentary, quoting from innumerable parallel cases
in English, American, and Roman law, and, after giving it to DICK FIBBINS
to read, I don't see it again.
But, a few afternoons later, when Impressive Clerk happens to be out, a
knock comes. Nobody in. At last, go myself (_Query_--infra dig.?) and open
door.
"Here!" says a juvenile, who apparently mistakes me for the Clerk, and
rudely chucks some papers to me, which hit me in the chest, "give these to
your Governor. What a time you take answering a knock! Having a nap, hay?
Take care old FIBBINS don't catch you at it, that's all!" Juvenile
disappears downstairs, whistling, before I can think of a suitable
rejoinder.
Open the papers. The same brief returned with request to "draw up a
Statement of Claim,"--and my "Opinion" inside! It looks as if DICK sent
these clients of his _my_ valuable advice, pretending that it was his own!
My learned "leader," when he comes in, treats affair very coolly.
"Oh, did I send _your_ 'Opinion' to them as well as mine? What an ass I am!
I wonder what they thought of it?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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