them! [_Strides off in bitter indignation._ * * * * * SCHOOL-BOY'S FIRST EXPERIENCE OF SMOKING.--One sickarette,--and he never could do another. _O si sic omnes_! * * * * * [Illustration: "LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE!"] * * * * * "HOTEL ME, GENTLE STRANGER!" [Mrs. WHEELER and Mrs. CUSTER, two literary ladies of New York, are starting a hotel for women only.] Says Mrs. CUSTER to Mrs. WHEELER: "I propose we put out a 'promoting' feeler!" Says Mrs. WHEELER to Mrs. CUSTER, "Monopolist Males we shall greatly fluster;" 'Hotel it not in Gath!' at present Till we have made things nice and pleasant. First rule--'No Rules!' O, of course male noddies Will snigger at once, the superior bodies! But OSCAR WILDE must 'pull up his socks,' Ere he'll equal women at paradox. What I mean is this, in our 'Women's Hotel,' We'll have no such thing as the 'Curfew Bell,' And no fixed hour for the cry, 'Out lights!' We will give free way to true 'Woman's Rights,' Which are to thump, strum, tap, twirl, trill, From morn till night at her own sweet will. That's why we cherish, despite male spleen, Typewriter, Piano, and Sewing-Machine! The 'woodpecker tapping' is, indeed, not in it With Emancipate Woman--no, not for a minute! Our Hotel will be, when we've won the battle, 'The Paradise of unlimited Rattle,' 'The Realm of the Spindle,' 'the Home of the Duster!'" Says Mrs. WHEELER to Mrs. CUSTER. "Nought tabooed save Man! So comes Peace the Healer!" Says Mrs. CUSTER to Mrs. WHEELER. _Punch hopes_ their Hotel may flourish--only, Spots "Reserved for Ladies" are often--lonely! * * * * * THE GERMAN EMPEROR GOING NAP.--It now appears that the words descriptive of NAPOLEON BUONAPARTE used by the German Emperor, and to which the French took so strong an exception, were not "_Le parvenu Corse_," but "_Le conquérant Corse_," which, of course, makes all the difference. At this banquet it would have been better had each course been omitted from the _menu_. * * * * * A Vain Vaunt. _La belle France_ boasts of being Art's true henchman! That cosmopolitan claim she should be mute on. "Art for Art's sake!" shouts the thrasonic Frenchman, "Save when that Art is Teuton," Though Art's not marred for him by subtle sin A German twang poisons e'en _Lohengrin_. * * * * * [Illustration: INDISCRIMINATE CHARITY. _Benevolent Old Lady._ "NO, MR. SMITH; I SHALL NOT CONTINUE MY SUBSCRIPTION TO YOUR CRICKET-GROUND ANY LONGER--FOR I FIND YOU ALLOW IT TO BE USED IN THE WINTER FOR PIGEON-SHOOTING!" _Secretary to the Local Cricket Club._ "BUT, MADAM, YOU CAN'T BE AWARE THAT WE SHOOT AT NOTHING BUT _CLAY PIGEONS!_" _B. O. L._ "I DON'T CARE _WHAT_ THE BREED MAY BE--IT'S EQUALLY CRUEL!"] * * * * *