Though you don't even claim to be reckoned as pretty, You are not, I admit it, aggressively plain. You dress pretty well, and your talk, if not witty, As a rule doesn't give me much positive pain. You will one day be rich, for your prospects are "healthy," Yet as Beauty and Riches do not make up Life, Why, were you as lovely as Venus, as wealthy As Croesus I wouldn't have _you_ for my wife. Are you free altogether from blame in the matter-- I'm resolved to be frank, so it's useless to frown-- Have you not had a share in the mischievous chatter Which makes our "engagement" the talk of the town? When some eager, impertinent person hereafter Shall inquire of its truth, and shall ask, "Is it so?" Instead of implying assent by your laughter, Would you kindly oblige me by answering, "No"? I recognise freely your marvellous kindness In allowing your name to be linked with my own. Maybe it is only incurable blindness To your charms that compels me to let them alone. But if with reports I am still to be harried, I've thoroughly made up my mind what to do; Just to settle it all, I shall shortly be married, I shall shortly be married, but not--_not_ to you. * * * * * "WHO BREAKS PAYS."--"In some large restaurants," says the _Daily Chronicle_, "the girls engaged have to pay for the breakages which occur in the course of carrying on a business in which they are not partners." If the maxim at the head of this paragraph were strictly and impartially enforced, such exacting employers would have to pay pretty smartly for certain "breakages" which occur in the carrying on of a business in which they consider _they_ have no concern--breakages, to wit, of the girls' health, spirits, and, often, hearts! * * * * * MODERN VERSION OF "WISE MEN OF THE EAST."--The Congress of Orientalists. * * * * * NOTICE.--Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule there will be no exception. End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 101. Sep. 12, 1891, by Various