SCENE--_The War Office. Sanctum of the COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF. H.R.H. is seated on a chair. To him enter (after being properly complimented by a couple of Grenadiers on guard over an area) INSPECTOR-GENERAL OF EVERYTHING, Field-Marshal PUNCH._ _Inspector-General_ (_sharply_). Well, Sir! (_COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF comes briskly to attention_.) No, your Royal Highness, you can be seated. I don't want to disturb you--much! And now, how is the Easter Review getting on? _Com.-in-Chief_. First-rate, Sir. Excellent, Sir! Couldn't be better, Sir! _Insp.-Gen._ (_dryly_). I have heard those phrases before, your Royal Highness--especially "couldn't be better"--and found subsequently that things ought to have been better, very much better, Sir. _Com.-in-Chief_ (_anxiously_). But I assure you, Sir, that this time we are doing our level best. Why, Sir, fancy, we are going to have thirty thousand men under arms! Think of that, Sir--thirty thousand men! _Insp.-Gen._ About the numbers of a German Brigade, or is it a Regiment? _Com.-in-Chief_ (_with a forced laugh_). Come, Sir, I see you are joking! Yes, thirty thousand men, and some of them are going down fully equipped. Why, for instance, the Artists will march the whole way to the scene of the operations with their own regimental transport! And so will the 1st London Engineers. Think of that, Sir! _Insp.-Gen._ And how much have you gentlemen here had to do with that, Sir? Why, the Volunteers would have been left in a state of utter unpreparedness had not the public taken the initiative. What did the War Office and the Horse Guards do towards giving them their kit? _Com.-in-Chief_. Well, it is all right now, Sir. And we are going to have a splendid time of it. The idea is that a hostile force has landed at Deal during the early hours of Monday morning, and-- _Insp.-Gen._ (_interrupting_). Yes, I have read all that in the papers. But come, tell me who is to command? _Com.-in.-Chief_ (_rather taken aback_). Well, Sir, the customary crew. I suppose BILLY SEYMOUR. _Insp. Gen._ (_severely_). I presume, your Royal Highness, that you refer to General Lord WILLIAM SEYMOUR, who will be in command at Dover. _Com.-in-Chief_ (_abashed_). Certainly, Sir. You are a little particular to-day, Sir. _Insp. Gen._ (_gravely_). I am always particular--very particular--when I have to deal with the Volunteers. Well, Sir, General Lord WILLIAM SEYMOUR, commands at Dover--proceed, Sir; pray proceed. _Com.-in-Chief_. Then, Sir, there's General GOODENOUGH at Maidstone, and General DAWSON-SCOTT at Chatham. _Insp.-Gen._ Is he a Volunteer? _Com.-in-Chief_ (_laughing_). Why no, Sir; of course not, Sir. Why he's in the Royal Engineers. Although in my Crimean days we never considered Sappers soldiers. We used to say that-- _Insp.-Gen._ (_severely_). No levity, Sir. And pray who else is to be in command? _Com.-in-Chief_. Well, Sir, I shall be present myself on Saturday, and then take the March-past on Monday.