"I fain would purchase flake, if that could be; I needs must purchase plug, ah woe is me! Plug and a cutty, a cutty, let me buy." * * * * * COMPLICATED CASE.--The other day, an Italian Organ-grinder was arrested for having shot one GIUSEPPE PIA. "He admitted the charge" (we quote the _Globe_), "but said the gun went off accidentally." When a Gentleman "admits the charge" (though indeed it was the other one who did _that_), how the gun went off seems to be a matter of secondary importance. * * * * * THE NAME AND THE THING.--A vote of thanks to Sir CHARLES RUSSELL, after his address to the Liberal and Radical Association, was earned by a Wapping Majority. * * * * * A LATTERDAY VALENTINE. (LEAP YEAR: NEW STYLE.) (_FROM MISS ANASTASIA JAY, NEW YORK, TO THOMAS, EARL OF DUNBROWNE, LONDON._) [Illustration] Valentines plebeian Cannot fix an Earl-- I'm as you may see, an Ardent Yankee girl. Nothing "soft" you'll find here, No old-fashioned lay; Say then, you'll be mine, dear, In the modern way. _You_ (we haven't met as Yet I must record) Figure in _Debrett_ as Out-and-out a Lord: Ancestors, a thousand, Dignities, a score-- Hear my bashful vows, and Think this matter o'er. I don't in for Pa go; Pa despised New York; Porpa in Chicago Cultivated pork: Ma was born a Gerald; Birth was Morma's pride-- As the _New York Herald_ Mentioned when she died. Well, my pile's a million, That's a fact, you bet: I'm in our cotillon Quite the Broadway Pet: I can sing like PATTI; And to win I went For the Cincinnati Tennis Tournament. I've a lovely right hand; For my face I've sat By electric light--and Elegant at that! I enclose the photo, Just for you to see, But deny _in toto_ That it flatters me. _You_, I've read, are rather "Up the Spout" for cash, Owing to your father Having been so splash: _I_ from debt could free you, And in Politics Calculate to see you Bagging all the tricks. Any Earl who marries ANASTASIA JAY Will (except in Paris) Get his little way, Fear no interference; Relatives remain,-- But their disappearance Beats me to explain. THOMAS, I adore thee!-- "THOMAS" _is_ thy name, Isn't it?--the more the Scandal and the shame! All I ask you, TOM, is Just one loving line, One type-written promise Publishing you mine. Matrimony's heart is Houselike, "half-detached," Seldom save at parties Or in papers matched-- Answer "Yes," or break'll This poor heart of mine. Be my _Fin-de-Siècle_, Be my Valentine! * * * * *