Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, February 27, 1892Various
General
Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 102, February 27, 1892
Various
English wit and humor -- Periodicals
SCENE--_A Court of Justice. Prisoner, a young man of
eighteen, in the dock, weeping bitterly. His Uncle stands
before him, and occasionally offers him smelling salts.
General commiseration amongst the spectators, many of whom
are ladies armed with opera-glasses. Police Constable under
cross-examination._
_Counsel for the Defence._ And so, Constable, you had actually the
heart to read the warrant to the Prisoner?
_Witness._ I did, Sir, in the execution of my duty.
_Coun. for the Def._ (_scornfully_). Duty! and to this he said
nothing?
_Wit._ (_in a low tone_). Nothing, Sir--nothing!
_Coun. for the Def._ And I am not surprised! He might well
say nothing to such an announcement! HE, a Gentleman by
birth--education--everything--to be accused of forgery! It is
_too_ cruel!
_Mr. Justice Punch_ (_courteously but firmly_). I do not wish to
control the management of your case, Mr. MCSLANGER, but the time
for you to address the Jury has not yet arrived.
_Coun. for Def._ (_submissive but sulky_). As your Lordship pleases.
[_Resumes his seat._
_Usher_ (_calling_). Admiral CUTTERMAN!
_Admiral_ (_in a low tone_). Here!
[_He leaves the Prisoner, first handing him the smelling
salts, and enters the Witness Box._
_Council for the Prosecution_ (_after the Witness has been sworn_).
I think you are here on subpoena served by the Treasury.
_Witness_ (_with a glance of sadness at the Dock_). Had I not been
summoned to be present by those in authority, not the entreaties of
magicians would have brought me here!
_Coun. for the Pros._ I take it you are an unwilling Witness?
_Witness_ (_with difficulty suppressing acute emotion_). A most, a
very most unwilling Witness!
_Coun. for the Def._ (_scornfully_). Unwilling!
_Coun. for the Pros._ (_in a tone of remonstrance_). I really must beg
my learned friend to refrain from disturbing the proceedings. These
constant interruptions are most annoying.
_Coun. for the Def._ (_with force and violence_). I cannot
sufficiently express my indignation--
_Mr. Justice Punch_ (_sharply_). Then do not make the attempt.
_Coun. for the Def._ (_surlily_). As your Lordship pleases.
[_Subsides._
_Coun. for the Pros._ But, in spite of being an unwilling Witness, you
undoubtedly saw the Prisoner forge your name?
_Witness_ (_with his handkerchief to his eyes_). Alas! I did!
[_A pause, during which everyone regains equanimity._
_Coun. for Def._ (_on renewal of proceedings_). And so you are the
Uncle of the Prisoner?
_Witness_ (_sadly_). Yes, I am.
_Coun. for Def._ Still you are here, and are pushing that poor lad to
the prison-door! (_Prisoner snivels._) Yes, you are dealing him (one
of your own flesh and blood) a never-to-be-recalled injury!
_Witness_ (_plucking up spirit_). Only my duty, Sir. I obey only my
duty!
_Coun. for Def._ Your duty! Why, man, how can it be your duty?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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