SCENE I.--_Elsinore. A Platform before the Castle. As the Curtain rises, shouts and laughs are heard without. A Village Maiden rushes in, as if pursued. She hides herself behind the sentry-box, and then escapes. FRANCISCO, who is on his post, looks about, and is surrounded by Danish Gallants, who have come in pursuit of the Maiden. He threatens them with his arms, and only one remains, who seems overcome by wine. The intoxicated Gallant is masked, and evidently very much the worse for liquor. He clumsily draws his sword. FRANCISCO is about to despatch him, when the mask falls, and in the dissipated reveller the Sentry recognises the bloated features of LAERTES. He immediately presents arms, as LAERTES is his superior officer. LAERTES, half-sobered by this suggestion of discipline, wishes to retire unseen, and gives largesse to FRANCISCO. The Sentry is greatly gratified, when to them enters BERNARDO._ _Ber._ Who's there? _Fran._ (_sheltering LAERTES, who stealthily retires by a rope-ladder which falls from the battlements to the moat below_). Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself! By my version I really introduce a most interesting underplot, which, in my opinion, is equally pleasing and quite as defensible as Mr. BEERBOHM TREE's business with _Ophelia_. Yours, A STICKLER. * * * * * [Illustration: HUMAN NATURE. _Jones has always professed the greatest Indifference to (and contempt for) all Press Criticisms on his Work (although he takes in all the Papers)._ YET THIS IS WHAT HE LOOKED LIKE WHEN HIS NEW NOVEL WAS PRONOUNCED A WORK OF GENIUS BY THE _UPPER TOOTING EXPRESS_. AND THIS IS HOW HE APPEARED WHEN THE _NORTH CLAPHAM GAZETTE_ DISMISSED THAT IMMORTAL BOOK AS A PIECE OF DRIVELLING SENILE TWADDLE. AND THIS IS THE WAY HE TREATS ALL NEWSPAPERS, REVIEWS, PERIODICALS, &C., &C., THAT LEAVE THE IMMORTAL BOOK UNNOTICED!] * * * * * THE ATTACK ON THE "CAPITAL." _A LAY OF MODERN LONDON._ [Arrangements have been made for great political meetings in the Metropolis, at which the Liberal Leaders will be the principal speakers.] HARCURTIUS of the triple chin, by the Nine Points he swore The Capital should suffer from Tory sway no more; By the Nine Points he swore it, and named a trysting day, And bade his messengers ride forth east and west, and south and north, To summon his array.