Common are Cooks, professed, plain alike And common, youths their sustenance who feed on, Common (I'm told) a breach of promise suit, And common, damages, in courts agreed on; Common are briefs as blackberries; and fees Are common quite as "leather and prunella"; Common are "unprotected" witnesses ("_Credat_"--as HORACE somewhere sings--"_Apella_!") But most uncommon seems a lowly Cook Who with sincerity can kiss the book And swear (to shame her betters!) ne'er she took By sad "mistake or otherwise," by hook; Or, as will eventuate, by crook, Be it silk or gingham--any one's umbrella! * * * * * MRS. RAM ON CURRENT POLITICS.--"Politics," says Mrs. RAMSBOTHAM, "is one of the few things I know nothing about. But it does seem to me that Lord GRANDOLPH CHURCHILL is a white elephant tied round the neck of Lord SALISBURY." * * * * * "HEAVENS!"--Recently in the _Athenæum_, and copied elsewhere, appeared the most interesting intelligence that has been received on earth for some time. "The small planet No. 315"--no further address is given, an omission which will, no doubt, be rectified in the next issue--"which was discovered at Nice by M. CHARLOIS on the 4th September, 1891,"--the small planet, of course, not being out of the nurse's arms, was not responsible for being at Nice at an unfashionable time, but this, of course, is the fault of her parents and guardians--"has been named Constantia." Rather late to delay the christening for nearly five months. Of course, the brilliant infant will not stay at Nice, except by medical advice, but will probably return to No. 315, Milky Way (or elsewhere), on the first opportunity. _Sic itur ad astra_! * * * * * "A STUDENT OF HISTORY" writes to us:--"Sir--I have been reading a great deal lately on ecclesiastical subjects, and shall be very much obliged if you will explain to me briefly what 'Inclosed Orders' are." [If "A STUDENT" will send us, under cover to our office, two P.O. Orders for two pounds ten shillings each respectively, further explanation than that conveyed by our receipt for the same will be unnecessary.--ED.] * * * * * A RIDDLE. I'm underneath your feet In the streets of London Town, From town take "t," Then give it to me, And you'll sell me for a crown. * * * * * MRS. R. AND THE PREVAILING EPIDEMIC.--Our excellent friend is now convalescent. "Like CÆSAR or CÆSAR's wife, I forget which it was," she says, "I have passed the Barbican!" Some one having suggested that probably she meant "the Rubicon," Mrs. R. thanked him politely, but added, that she perfectly well knew what she was talking about, and that everyone who was acquainted with history would understand her classical delusion. * * * * *