Just take a look round, most respectable Madam; New Year's Day is an excellent time for the task, When serious thoughts come to each son of Adam Who dares to peep under Convention's smug mask. Your sword looks a little bit rusty and notched, Ma'am; Your scales now and then hang a trifle askew; A lot of your Ministers need to be watched, Ma'am! _Punch_ isn't quite pleased with the prospect--are you? If one could but take a wide survey, though summary, Of _all_ the strange "sentences" passed in one year By persons called "Justices"--(yes, it _sounds_ flummery) Justice would look like Burlesque, Ma'am, I fear. Excellent subject for whimsical GILBERT, But not a nice spectacle, Madam, for me. Long spell of "chokee" for prigging a--filbert (Given, you bet, by some rural J.P.); Easy let-off for a bogus "Promoter," Helping the ruin of hundreds for gain; Six months for stealing a turnip or "bloater," Ditto for bashing a wife on the brain: Sentences cut to one-twelfth on appealing, Judges and juries at loggerheads quite! Really each day brings some curious revealing, Putting you, Ma'am, in a very strange light. Take my advice, Ma'am, this bright New Year's morning, Give a look up to your agents all round; To some give the sack, and to others a warning; The Public will back up your move, I'll be bound! * * * * * GREEK MEETS GREEK.--"What!" exclaimed an indignant scholar, who had not peeped into a Classic for some forty years, "no more compulsory Greek at our Universities! What are we coming to? All I can say is, '_Absit omen_'!" "'Scuse me!" replied his friend, who was all for the new learning, "but I should say, '_Absit Homer_'!" * * * * * SEASONABLE (AND SUITABLE) GOOD WISHES. To a Card-player A Nappy } To a Smart Girl A "Snappy" } To a Flirt A "Chappy" } To an Old Maid A Cappy } To an Infant A Pappy } To a Pigeon-shot A Trappy } To an Explorer A Mappy } New Year to you! To a Student A Sappy } To a Cross Child A Slappy } To an aspiring Pugilist A "Scrappy" } To a Spiritualist A Tappy } To a Toper A "Lappy" } To _Toby_ A Yappy } To a Snuff-taker A Rappee } * * * * * GIFTS FOR THE NEW YEAR. _H-r M-j-sty_.--The hearty congratulations of a loyal and united people. _The Pr-nce and Pr-nc-ss_.--The most welcome of daughters-in-law. _Prince Alb-rt V-ct-r_.--MAY in February. _The Rest of the R-y-l F-m-ly_.--The best of wishes from everybody. _L-rd S-l-sb-ry_.--A General Election. _Mr. Arth-r B-lf-r_.--A Translation from the Irish. _Mr. J. Ch-mb-rl-n_.--Promotion. _Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt_.--A Vision of the Woolsack.