OUR HUMOROUS COMPOSER.--What Sir ARTHUR SULLIVAN said or sung before deciding on taking a Villa at Turbie, on the Riviera,--"Turbie, or not Turbie, that is the question." He is now hard at work writing a new Opera (founded, we believe, on _Cox and Box_), and "I am here," he says, in his quaint way, "because I don't want to be dis-turbie'd." * * * * * [Illustration: THE "RETURNED EMPTY."] _Returned Prodigal sings, to the tune of "Randy Pandy, O!"_:-- Well, here I'm back from Mashonaland! Mine's hardly a proud position. My ideas in going were vaguely grand, And--look at my present condition! I may cool my heels on this packing-case; 'Tis a little mite like _me_, Sir! Say my "candid friends," as they watch my face, "O.I.C.U.R.M.T., Sir!" I'm the prodigal GRANDY-PANDY, oh! Returned to my native landy, oh! With a big moustache, and but little cash, Though the latter would come in handy, oh! Like the nursery Jack-a-dandy, oh! I may "love plum-cake and candy," oh! But tarts and toffies, or sweets of office, Seem not--at present--for GRANDY, oh! Well, I chucked them up,--was it _nous_ or _pique_? _Is_ the prodigal worst of ninnies? The fatted calf, and the better half Of his father's love--and guineas,-- May fall to his share as he homeward lies, When the husks have lost their flavour. _My_ calf? Well, it does not greet my eyes, And I don't yet sniff its savour. I'm a prodigal GRANDY-PANDY, oh! Retired from Mashona-landy, oh! I'm left like a laggard. Grim RIDER HAGGARD (Whose fiction is "blood-and-brandy," oh!) Says Africa always comes handy, oh! For "something new." It sounds grandy, oh! But a telling new plot I'm afraid is _not_ The fortune of GRANDY-PANDY, oh! Did they miss me much? Well, I fancy not; (Though a few did come to greet me;) The general verdict's "A very queer lot!" Nor is SOL in a hurry to meet me. _He_ does not spy me afar off. No! He would rather I kept my distance; And if to the front I again should go, 'Twon't be with _his_ assistance. He deems me a troublesome GRANDY, oh' In political harness not handy, oh! I am out of a job, while BALFOUR is a nob, That lank and effeminate dandy, oh! Well, a prodigal son _may_ be "sandy." oh! I am off for a soda-and-brandy, oh! And a "tub" at my Club, where I'm sure of a snub From the foes of returning GRANDY, oh! * * * * * [Illustration: "A VOLUNTARY CONTRIBUTION." _Philistine Wife_. "YOUR PAPER ISN'T AT ALL AMUSING JUST NOW. BUT THERE, I MUST CONFESS IT IS _NOT_ EASY TO BE EITHER FUNNY OR WITTY EVERY WEEK." _Journalist_ (_much worried_). "NO, MY DEAR, MUCH EASIER TO BE ALWAYS DULL AND PROSAIC EVERY EVENING." [_He was about to add a personal illustration, but as, fortunately, he didn't, the subject dropped._]