Would magic Science could scare the black vista to luridest Limbo, Would that fresh breezes were tinned and the sunshine of Italy bottled!! * * * * * [Illustration: MISS TWELFTHNIGHT AND HER CHARACTERS FOR 1892.] * * * * * THEFT _V._ THRIFT. ["The Economic Man, whose sole motive was selfishness, was created by ADAM SMITH."--_Daily News_.] A century's gone, and still wiseacres plan A future for the Economic Man; But one fatality strikes us as comical,-- That--up to now--he is not _economical_! The soulless thing whose motor sole is Self, Squanders, as well as snatches, sordid pelf. Perhaps if he could use as well as steal, The common wealth might prove the common weal. * * * * * MR. PUNCH'S NEW-YEAR HONOURS, GIFTS, GOOD WISHES, AND GREETINGS. (_CONFERRED BY HIM, WITHOUT_ "_OFFICIAL NOTIFICATION_.") _To Her Most Gracious Majesty_.--The Queendom of his heart. _To the Duke of Clarence, and the Princess May_.--A Bridal Quick March. _To Prince George of Wales_.--A Clean Bill of Health. _To Prince Christian_.--"Eyes right!" _To Mr. Gladstone_.--Freedom _from_ the City, its fogs, and politics. _To the Duke of Devonshire_.--A Peerage, and the right successor in Rossendale. _To Mr. Chamberlain_.--His Cartoon for the week. _To Mr. Balfour_.--An Irish "Order." _To Lord Randolph Churchill_.--"Something new _out of_ Africa." _To the Peerage_.--General Sir FREDERICK ROBERTS. (The greatest "honour" of the lot, by Jove!) _To Henry Irving_.--"A Health to the King" (HARRY THE EIGHTH), and any number of Nights' (run). _To Johnny Toole_.--Rapid recovery, and "another kind love" from _Toole-le-Monde_! _To Mr. Punch's Young Men_.--Privy Councillorships (to the Public) all round. _To Everybody_.--A Happy New Volume! * * * * * A QUESTION OF PRECEDENCE, BUT NOT A PRECEDENT.--It is a gracious act on the part of a Cabman, when, at a dinner-party, he gives the _pas_ to an Omnibus-driver, at the same time courteously explaining this waiver of rights by saying that "at the present moment he is not standing on his rank." * * * * * "THE COMPLEMENTS OF THE SEASON."--Christmas Boxes. * * * * * [Illustration: SUPERIOR EDUCATION. _Page Boy_ (_to Jeames_). "WHERE SHALL I PUT THISH 'ER DISH OF AMMONDS?" _Jeames_ (_with dignity_). "I'M SURPRISED, HARTHUR, THAT AT YOUR HAGE YOU 'AVEN'T LEARNT 'OW TO PERNOUNCE THE _R_ IN HARMONDS!"] * * * * * ONLY FANCY! [Illustration] In continuation of his interesting notes of incidents connected with the gathering of Ministers for the last Cabinet Council, Our Special Reporter states that the only _contretemps_ arose in connection with the arrival of Mr. GOSCHEN. On alighting from his _coupé_ the CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER handed the driver a dirty crumpled piece of paper.