_The New Companion_ (_fresh from Girtham College_). "YES, LADY JANE, I SAW _H_ER, WITH _H_ER _H_ABITUAL _H_YPOCRISY _H_OLDING OUT _H_ER _H_AND TO _H_IS AS _H_E WAS _H_ARANGUING AT _H_IS _H_OTEL--" _Lady Jane._ "GOOD GRACIOUS, CHILD, DON'T STICK IN YOUR H'S SO CAREFULLY AS ALL THAT! PEOPLE WILL THINK YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER DROPPED 'EM, AND THAT YOU'RE TRYIN' TO PICK 'EM UP!" [_And People wouldn't be very far wrong._] * * * * * LADY GAY'S SELECTIONS. DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Of my two selections to supply the last Horse in the Derby--one--_La Flêche_, so far forgot what was due to my prophetic utterances as to finish _second_--and indeed, very nearly _win_! However, as such reprehensible conduct was mainly owing to the absurd wish of her jockey, BARRETT, to be first, my readers will see that no blame attaches to _me_--as the mare would doubtless not have hurried so much had she been left to her own devices--(the sex notoriously dislikes hurry)--it being a well-known fact that she would make a race with a donkey!--though why donkey races should be spoken of with such contempt. I don't know, for I once rode one with Lord ARTHUR on Hampstead Heath--(it was during our engagement, when people will do foolish things; we had been "slumming," and he was disguised in "pearlies," whilst I was gowned "_à la_ 'ARRIETT")--and I assure you our Donkeys went very fast. However--this is a digression--as the man said when he walked over the cliff, so let us "_noch einmal zu unser schafen_," as the German proverb runs. Although disappointed in the behaviour of _La Flêche_, my second string _Llanthony_ maintained my reputation for correct tips, by running _last_, as I said he would!--It is true that some papers report him as having finished seventh and _El Diablo_ last; but as he did not _win_, he might just as well have been last as seventh--and as I am sure my friend Lord ELTHAM will not mind the placings being reversed--I therefore place _Llanthony_ last--and those of my readers who took my advice and backed him, will have every reason to congratulate themselves when they draw their money! With regard to the winner, _Sir Hugo_, whose success was a general surprise to all except myself--(surprise is bad form)--I can only follow the example of all other writers on turf matters in declaring that, "he always had my good word, and was in fact my winter favourite, as anyone can see who will take the trouble to glance through my earlier advices!"--these will be difficult to find, as they were only conveyed in private letters which will not be published until my biography is written later on!--(very much, I hope). Still, had I pursued the ordinary course of trying to tip the _Winner_, _Sir Hugo_ would undoubtedly have been my sole selection--a fact which should not fail to weigh with my followers--and I _have_ followers in plenty, as Lord ARTHUR knows!