"Let us change costumes," suggested the Home-Secretary, "and try for ourselves. I will become a soldier, you can appear as a convict, and subsequently we might make a further alteration, and allow our friend of the Admiralty to try some oakum-picking." But both the First Lord and the Secretary of State raised objections. "And yet," urged the Home-Secretary, "I do not think you would find much difference between oakum-picking and sentry-go, and a plank-bed and a hammock on board a torpedo-boat have each great claim to points of similarity." "We readily believe you," replied the representative of the War Office, "and therefore further test is unnecessary." "Quite so," added the greatest living authority on Naval matters; "and thus I think we can conveniently leave further personal investigation to such enthusiasts as Mr. RITCHIE and his Private Secretary." And so, perfectly satisfied with the result of their peregrinations, the Ministers again bade one another adieu, and, this time, finally separated. * * * * * [Illustration: THE PITFALLS OF CULTURE. _Friendly and Sympathetic Footman_. "WELL, THEY TELL ME, SIR, AS MR. BROWN, THE DENTIST ROUND THE CORNER, IS QUITE AT THE 'EAD OF THE PERFESSION,--IN FACT, WHAT YOU MIGHT CALL '_PRINCIPLY FORCEPS_,' SIR!" [_No doubt the good man intended to say "Facile princeps," but he didn't._]] * * * * * A GREAT LOSS TO EVERYBODY.--It is a great source of disappointment to _Mr. Punch_ that GRANDOLPH should have declined to be an Alderman. It may be a question as to whether he would have enlarged the sphere of his influence, but, by accepting the turtle, it is aldermanically certain that within six months our GRANDOLPH would have doubled his weight and increased his circumference. * * * * * "HAIR-CUTTING, SINGEING, AND SHAMPOOING." (_A SKETCH IN A HAIR-DRESSER'S SALOON._) SCENE--_A small but well-appointed Saloon, with the usual fittings. As the Scene opens, its only occupants are a Loquacious Assistant and a Customer with a more than ordinarily sympathetic manner._ [Illustration: "You _'ave_ been losin' your 'air!"]